egsanders’s Profile

About Me

I'll try to keep this all pertinent. I was raised by 2 alcoholic parents, who divorced when I was 17. No abuse from either of them. I have 1 sister, 3 yrs older than I who lives 2 states away. We really don't communicate at all. I became a single mom at age 29, my little boy is almost 9 now and is wonderful. I work full time, own our home (though I know it's too much for me to keep up and pay for)His dad lives in the next town and sees him every other week. I became involved with a man 7 yrs older than I in 2002, one of those "swept me off my feet" situations. I began to see the signs of his abusive nature about 3 months into the relationship. We have split up 3 times, each time for several months, because the affects of his moods, anger, and lack of compassion and caring became overwhelming to me. Once to the point that I very nearly stopped eating, lost 30 some pounds. Well, I took him back in November after weeks of hours and hours of daily phone conversations. He began to see a counselor, who put him on Lexapro, and put into writing a list of "I promise to never again...." Here we are, the begining of June and he has systematically broken every last one. I feel like such a fool to have ever believed him. The last straw for me was when he turned the news of my Mom's breast cancer diagnosis into another reason to be ANGRY WITH ME, and to scream and yell and berate. I cry daily, feel useless and worse than that, hopeless. I feel like all of my dreams are gone, never to be regained. I need help finding the strength to leave him, stay away, and to be whole and strong for my Mom who needs me now like never before.

Interests

I am embarking on a journey of self discovery. I used to think I wanted to improve myself, then realized I cannot improve something until I see it clearly. I recognize my choices and behaviors are a result of who I am and how I think and feel about me. No person is an island so my hope is that, by opening myself up to the insites of others, I may learn and grow. I also hope to have something valuable to offer to others to help to make someone's world a little better.