DanniSlade's Journal

ok havent been on here in a while (hubbys been really sick) and not because i didnt need too, cause i really been struggling over the last week with bad dreams, not about my ex - well ok hes in them a bit but mainly my mother and this person i use to work with who was really mean to me and who ran around telling her sob story.  her story makes me feel like i cant say i was abused and i second guess myself and think that what happened to me was just someone being mean to me.  im angry that the system let me down.  when i was 15 years old i talked my mother into taking me in to child walfare to get an indepentant allowace only for them to turn around and say i was too young and that i would have to go into foster care.  i told them i didnt want foster care so they sent us on our way.  IM ANGRY  why did they not talk to me alone to find out why we where there - why werent questions asked!!!!!  i look at it now and think maybe i could of been more if given a proper home - showen love.  mum has started saying i love you to me and im really struggling with that - i dont think i can forgive her.  all i ever wanted was a mother - the kind you see on tv - firm yet caring - there for you.  but then i start to think she is only human and sometimes its hard to deal with the fact that yes your parents are just human and they make mistakes.  and that im only making it harder on myself by holding onto this pain and anger.  need help!