desertangel's Journal

well , my soon to be ex husband has been texting me all week. wanting me to come back. i want to. i told him that. he says that we dont communicate anymore. so today he is off for a long weekend. i try to call and text him last night(he works 150miles away) no answer. he finally text messages me this morning.............saying he was busy-bad. no contact from him since. he wont answer a text or call. i know he is with someone and cant because of her. god i hate him. i want to be with him but he just keeps hurting me.  i had no contact with him for about 5 months. i was seeing someone in had known for the previous year. he doesnt want to go out because he needs to "get his head together". i was fine with that. we slowly stopped texting and then the other night he texted. he was bored.....code name he wanted sex. i beat around the bush. he asked what i was wearing. why are men pigs? i want someone i can trust, someone to love and love me back. someone who wont hurt me. someone who will support me and help me thru my illness. i really dont have anyone. my daughter is in another state then comes back to move away for college. my son is consumed with his girlfriend. my so called husband wont call or text. my best friend is busy with her new love. she lives across the country so oh well. my best friend here , well she moved. i really have no one. i stay in my room all day and night. i go to the store once a week. i cant drive because i keep falling and am dizzy. so i get a ride. like a child. I HATE LIFE. I HATE MEN. I HATE LIVING!!!!