GbKooLiO's Journal

Welcome to random blog entry number two. So, what's going on tonight? Well, not much, and I like it that way. Seems like anytime I'm actually physically doing anything whilst sitting at the computer other than typing, is something harmful like cutting. I am in fact not cutting right now, because I am not in the emotional distress and pain I was in last night. Go figure. Anyway, hopefully I can keep this up until I crash out.

So, tomorrow I'm officially graduating from high school. Well, today technically. And in what should theoretically be a joyous occasion, I'm actually not at all excited about it. Now don't get me wrong, I am most certianly relieved that I shall never have to endure such achne ridden, hormonally challenged hell times again, but I guess because of everything I have been enduring for so long, graduation just doesn't affect me the way it might normally. Oh well. I'm wondering if I'll even attend. I know most of my family and some others are 'counting on me', but none of them, I mean NONE of them get the gravity of the situation. They can't understand that at this point I simply cannot deal with certian people, even for fairly brief periods of time. And now that I seem to have a lot more choice and freedom with these kinds of things, if I really don't wanna go, I'm not gonna fucking go. And everybody can just get the fuck over it because they're never gonna understand anyway.

Anyhow, so in other news, I haven't gotten any real birthday presents yet! I got the usual simple things that close relatives and others get you, but no PS3 or Grand Theft Auto IV yet?! Wtf?! Ugh, not really suprising though. My family generally takes forever to buy the things that really matter to me. But I'll get them, in due time.

I've also been thinking about whether I really want to go on this beach trip with The Rock or not. It is so hard to deal with things like that when you experience the mood swings and constant crap I've had to deal with every day. One minute I feel so good and wonderful and am certian I'll be able to do stuff like that, but as I've continued to endure my life lately, it is becoming very obvious that at this point I just can't really plan anything for the future, even near future, because I just never know where I'll be or how I'll feel in a day. So with all of that in mind, it makes it much more difficult to make solid decisions concerning that stuff. I mean, the trip does sound like a lot of fun, but if you know how I feel about religion and all the never-ending battles I have with it. I mean, sometimes I really do not see how those people can be in that euphoric spiritual state that often....It truly baffles me sometimes. I was thinking that if I didn't go I would spend most of my time sulking and drinking and sleeping, seeing as the only person I'll be with for that weekend and week to come will be my mom. Sleeping, sulking and drinking are essentially my plans if I do in fact decide not to go to camp. And, just thinking about that makes me realize that if I do in fact decide not to go, that that will sure as hell not be a good sign for me.

So, I guess that's about all that's really going on with me right now that has any substancial significance in my life. There are some other things that are continuing to happen that I absolutely do not approve of, but I'll refrain from mentioning everything like I said before because some aspects of my life right now are just too complicated to understand unless you're experiencing it for yourself. I do wish I could talk about it, but I've given up on anybody being of any real help when I tell them, so I'll continue to keep quiet. Maybe in some of these later blogs, assuming I'll write anymore, I will touch up on those situations, but hopefully I won't be in said situations by the time I write those later blogs.

Anyway, I guess that's all for now folks. Thanks again for reading if anyone actually is reading! Feel free to hit me up with a comment or whatever. I welcome all questions, comments, and opinions. Have a nice night everybody.

ATL! Respect! ;)

Michael