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They keep asking why... Mood
Friday, May 16, 2008 | A Rambling story

Have you ever felt,
the cold and lifeless hand of an infant,
gazed into their unblinking eyes,
and observed the face of death,
when masked in bittersweet innocence?

Have you ever touched your dreams,
and felt the simplistic joy,
of feeling them become reality,
only to abandon them,
for reasons you cannot explain?

Have you ever watched your family,
who once shared the greatest of loves,
suffer an unforgettable and unforgivable tragedy,
that will slowly, painfully, and inevitably,
tear them apart?

Do you know, firsthand,
the evil that resides deep within the heart of every man,
every woman, and every child?
Have you seen its face as it randomly seeks,
a soul to torment and destroy?

Do you know the darker side of life,
the one that awakens you,
in the still of the night,
crying to the unknowable God's,
'Save me from myself. '?

Does your heart constantly question,
whether humanity is obtainable,
in a world corrupted with suffering,
and where war,
is the favored solution for peace?

If you really want to know me,
and understand the forces that compel me to move on,
then take these questions,
and take this pain,
for this is who I am.

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it never ends Mood
Friday, May 16, 2008 | A General Update story
Im 27 yrs old now. I lost my daughter Ashley 7-21-06. I was 6 months pregnant and had to deliver her. Ashley was my 6th lost pregnancy, but she was the first to live n the world if only for a little while. I have no children yet the doctor thought it best to have my tubes tied. I lost myself in all of the process. Now im going thru a divorce, had to file bankruptcy, and just recently got put on disability. Although my husband still wants to be together I cant find the strength to look him in the eyes. I now have a place of my own and a live in boyfriend whom I know does not understand what is going on. I try to limit myself on how many times I visit Ashleys memory box and things. I have changed my whole life. I dont listen to the same music. I drink more socialy. I bought a Harley. Sometimes I think im just tring to excape my own thoughts. I am a very strong will person and very independent. Stable job and a very loving family. Is this normal? Does anyone do this? I cant seem to get my life back on track. the tole  hurts too bad...
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