bumblebeez's Journal

This is my story.

My cousin asked me to take his wife out, for a girls night. He wanted her to be with someone he trusted, so I went with her. This girl, I didn't really care for, she had cheated on my cousin soooo many times before... I just don't like people like her, a good word for her is that she is a slut.

We got all dressed up and did some cocaine all night long, we went to my favorite place to drink and hang out, a billard in a city that is an hour away. This is a fancy kind of place... we didn't get there until like 11:30 and the place closed at 1:00 am so we didn't have much time to do anything, so all coked up just starting out night, we wanted to get some free drinks, so we approched some people and asked if they knew where there was any parties or anything.... nope... then we asked another group of guys... yeah, we got lots of beer. come on over...

so we went to go follow them, and 3 of these losers jumped in MY car with us... I knew something was off right then, since they should have road with who they came with, but now I know that they wanted to make sure we went and didn't blow them off.

We get there, and we are drinking, and I told my "friend" that we have to stick together, we were not drinking much since it killed our cocaine buzz... and we made frequent trips to the bathroom together... while the guys taunted us... about being lesbians... then they were talking about how they were going to split us up 4 on 4 (8 of them, 2 of us)....

When we walked out they had a porn on, and while my "friend" was talking I scanned the room... they were all looking at us.... like I mean really scary starring at us... like a piece of juicy steak or something.... I leaned in and whispered to my friend that we had to leave, this was not a good situation ...

*** I should mention that everyone even my cousin, my boyfriend told us not to go that night, because they had a bad feeling... and we blew it off and went anyway..

*** I should also mention that my cousins wife wanted to find a girl that night to sleep with since she is bi and I guess my cousin doesn't mind her sleeping with other women, as long as he "knows them".

so I tell her we need to leave, I am scared at this point... she wants to stay, she is puking because she had done to much cocaine....

its been over 2 years, my memory is fading.... not getting better...

we periodically went into rooms of these guys and played video games... while all the guys barged in on the rooms to see if their friends were getting "lucky" they wanted to be a part of it...

we smoked a lot of ciggs outside...

I was so mean to all the guys because I didn't want them to think that I wanted to sleep or have anything to do with any of them...

my cousins wife is from texas, and one of the guys had a shirt on that had something to do with texas and she wanted it, so she tried to bargen with him... he wanted sex, she "said no"

the next thing I know a girl (the one girl who was there, but sleeping on the couch, on some dudes lap) ran in the room screaming at the guy that was in there (the room that my flashbacks take place in) she is screaming "how could you" she is crying she is just flipping out all together, this time I grabbed my cousins wifes shirt and pulled her out and said we are leaving NOW!

we left then....

at one point of our being there I want to say around 2:00 am or so guys left the house and other came over... and I was about to go upstairs I think... for some reason... I don't know... and my cousins wife left my side, to go get our beers that we left in the kitchen... she went with some guy to get them... she came back with them open...

my "flashbacks" don't show her in them

when I left there I had a good memory of the night, or so I thought... nothing about sex or rape was in my memory of it....

when I got home, I laid down, and closed my eyes... and it was like pieces of a movie....

**this long skinny body is on top of me, my face is pressed in the sheets....

** I look over my head (by the foot board of the bed) there is one guy staring at me

** I have a penis coming towards my face on my left

** I see a guy who is still dressed crawling on my bed from the right, towards me...

thats all I remember, about the rape, if it happened at all... I hate thinking about it, I can feel the sheets on my face, I feel so oblivious and like I have no control over what is happening to be in the memory... like I am just watching this happen, but like while its happening I don't know whats going on... like I am in a trance or a daze...

there is more about the night, but I can't remember it right now.... and I need a break from thinking about this...

but with what I have said here if anyone could tell me if the time and story sound like it really is possible... timing just doesn't add up... I would really appreciate your feedback. I still don't know if I am crazy or not, if this happened or if it didn't... it was so long ago and I just want to move on...