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Yesterday was long and tiring but i did manage to go back to college after nearly 2 weeks. I was so nervous getting the bus i just sat with my head down and my face in a book hoping i wouldnt see anyone who knew me. I got to college and immmediatly ran to the toilet and was very sick. After i calmed down i went to my lesson and to my complete relief i was met by smiles and got thruogh the hour and 20 mins . It was ok but i still didnt feel right sitting there sometimes i feel im going crazy as there are alsorts of things that flow through my mind without warning. I got back and slept and slept i still feel very tired and lost today but at least i managed to go back and hopefully next time wont be so bad .
Well actually slept last night which is a big bonous for me. Spoke to a friend today,ive been avoiding her as I have many of my friends but admitted i havent been coping with life and have severe depression so hopefuloly thats a step in the right direction .I have a life coach coming to see me on monday(the thought of which petrifies me)and am going to try to return to college tomorrow its an hour so even if i come back and cry for a couple of hours and hide in my room i will have made a big step getting there.I havent been out of the house except to the doctors and the hospital in over a week now i feel really frightened when i do go out and just want to run back incase i see anyone i know.Now im thinking about my life i realise i havent been shopping properly in months just getting other people to pick stuff up for me or running in and grabbing the essentials.I feel really anxious today and have found myself wandering round the house wondering what to do but i have eaten and arranged a few things to think about.
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Not sure where im stating from or what to do next. Yesterday was the start for me admitting how ill ive been and talking to people . Im taking the antidepressents and am trying to except help(this for me is a big thing as ive looked after myself since i was 15). Ive spoken to my health visitor and my oldest daughter today and have eaten bits which is an improvement. Im really tired and scared at the mo but am going to take one day as it comes and see what happens all i do know is i cant feel much worse.
Hang in there, you made a huge step by talking to a friend and telling them you have depression. The life coach won't be that bad. If you need to talk I am here. Hold your head up high and eyes forward you will be fine.
amybr