sheshontae's Journal

It seems like everything is really looking up...as if I'm sitting where I need to be...stable and shaping up by getting out and not going through my spell of isolation...I love to write and just be in the moment where I feel comfortable and let the words just get out that have been cooped up from being antisocial...and that is not me...at all...I think my moments in nesting has help me gather and even look at all that i have messed up in the crazy moments I chose to put myself through instead of keeping my mouth shut or just walking away...the irritating part is when I can get these thing that pop up in my mind that I need to write down and get out of my system and release the pain and anguish that have brought me down and yet I allowed them to...this is not just the illness itself its me not defending my brain from what my heart needs to be stable and feel freedom and happiness..My son most of all pulls me together and want to get out of the rut I fall into every now and then...I'm listening to Lost- by Anouk and thats how I feel lost in this world...Its so frustrating to lose what your soul searching for even as it slips through your fingertips..sure times get hard but in the end we find a way through the darkness..Time has definitely taken a toll on me..but i'm just glad I'm feeling a release from the things and precisely the things that I let bring me down instead of facing my weaknesses and standing strong..but as I get to the point of finding where it is I need to be mentally I want and need to be well for my lil man and for those who care and love me...