manismami's Journal

I've always wanted to be a mother you can ask anyone in my family my nieces and nephews are my babies too cause their all I had for a long time since I was 8 years old I've been an aunty and ever since then I've wanted to be a mommy (of course not at that age but eventually) and I finally met that guy that I was like fuck it I wouldn't mind having a baby with him and obviously he didn't mind either cause he was telling people he was trying to get me knocked up and thats what he did some people didn't approve but we didn't give 2 shits....thats when we got our baby boy de'siah and boy was he such a blessing so when he was about 3 1/2 months old we found out I was pregnant again and we were a little scarred but we said the hell with it it's our child what are we going to do we're going to have it well through all the complications trials and tribulations that little it turned into a little him and finally after a lot of more problems he became dez'mani then dez'mani fought just like his mommy did for his life and then came home finally after a week but it felt like a life time now you just think about that for a minute and just ask yourself why....why after all that would anyone let alone god take my precious angel from me......no one has the answers and even if they did they probably wouldn't tell me anyways......I said it before and I'll say it again I don't get it understand it or even comprehend it why my baby when there are sooooooo many other people out there people I know and people I don't that are worse mothers and fathers then me but it didn't and probably will never happen to them but it did me WHY?????????????