CrimsonRegret's Journal

Well now that I am more in a writing mood I may write a few more lines then my previous posts. I have been struggling with my bipolar a lot lately.  I am my own worst enemy, and have caused most of my own problems.  Luckily I have an awesome husband, whom is very supportive of my problem.  I am at a point in my life that I feel I should learn to love me.  The problem is it is hard to love someone you dont know, or understand.  Which is sad when you think about it.  I dont know, or understand myself.  Sounds nuts huh?  I feel that my own personality varies from day to day.  For the most part I am a positive person, but I really consider myself more of a realist.  I am not too optimistic, nor too pessimistic.  I just try to look at everything at a logical stand point.  Of course this is not always easy to do.  I also highly believe in people accepting responsibility for their own actions.  It is very rare these days to see this.  In Psychology classes they teach of the internal and external locus of control.  I used to say I have an internal locus of control, and for the most part I still do.  Ultimately, however, I just feel like blame lies on the person at fault regarless if it is me, or someone else.  Most of the time it is me.  I just hate to see the circumstances where I will accept my part in something, but the other person will turn around and not accept their own role.  I constantly have my bipolar thrown in my face as an excuse why I am the one who did ALL the wrong, but they did nothing.  Ok now I am rambling so I am going to shut up...but I guess this was kind of a vent.....