bryony38's Journal

today has been great in college but im kinda worried now, i think i can feel a lump in my nech, which is  a sign of lymphoma. my weight has gone down a little (about 2 pounds) in the past week. i did have a bit of a sleep problem as well, but maybe im just being ridiculous about this, its my biggest fear and somewhere inside of me i feel i am defined by my cancer, i blame it for everything wrong right now, i blame it for my college work because i had to take 6 months off, i blame it for not being in a realationship right now because i wont let my guard down because im scarred of getting hurt or even worse being il and dragging other people with me, and somehow i am convinced i will get sick again its as if i know i am going to be ill and there is no doubt in me to say i will be healthy for the rest of my life but yet i have an unexplained lump and i am trying my hardest to prove to myself i am well and putting it down to something else, i dont know what to do, do i tell people about it do i se a doctor, but what if it is nothing and i get everyone worked up about nothing!!

im soo crazy right now its unbelieveable.