SaraAirey's Journal

Today I am venting about my writing. So far I have 55 pages written of my first "dark fantasy". It got hard to write during my anxiety because I actually get scared writing it. I have to look back on the things that scared me most when I was a kid- which always entailed something chasing me but not knowing what it was.

 I always had this nightmare that something was chasing me up a gigantic spiral staircase but the whole thing is darkened so I cannot see what it is. My mind never lets itself die in my dreams, so I would always find a tiny opening in the stone wall on my left after getting to the top- right before it gets me. It's a tiny passage that turns a sharp right and just labryinths away from the creature. I think that's because my mind didn't want to even let me see what it was. It always felt so real every time it happened, too. That was the only recurring dream I've had that I can think of.

But I really want to bring that carnal fear into my writing- I just freeze up when I actually start. So far I think most of my novel is crap. I constantly go back and erase what I wrote; up to 4 or 5 paragraphs at a time easily. It's hard for me to balance horror and wit. In survival situations, it can bring out the worst or best in man kind. It's just such a great opportunity to get into our raw emotions and instincts. It's incredible what some will do to save themselves- or others. I know that if I were to be in that situation that I would want to save others first. That's just my nature. I don't doubt this at all. I think it brings out the important things in us. There's no hiding who you are when the whole of humanity is threatened. Everything that people avoided is exposed. I don't know- I just like getting to the point in life and this is just a great genre for me to share my opinions about the nature of our minds and souls without having to waste half the book or more getting to the point.

Well, I'm going to try to write now.

I want to say thanks to everyone who takes the time to read or comment on my journals. I am pretty much mentally exhuasted most of the day, so I try to read journals when I can. But I really appreciate you guys taking the time and I am sorry that I can not keep up like you. I will make a bigger effort, thought because you guys deserve feedback too.