helloneighbor's Journal

i've realized something very important today.

people don't change.

my best friend katt now hates me. i don't blame her. she loves a boy named jason. [or thinks she does.] jason doesn't love her back. they always fight and argue. she gets mad at me when i don't stand up for her because jason's being a jackass. and she's right. because i don't. not that i do it on purpose. i wish i did stick up for her. but half the time she's being over dramatic. she wants to die. and she never listens to me. she's coughing up blood and refusing to go to the hospital. i'm freaking out over here. while she's in florida because we met online. i don't know if she's going to even wake up tomorrow and she expects me to just let her go. since we've met every other day she's said something about killing herself. every time her and jason fight she says she's done. but she's not cause she always comes back.  it's so frusturaing to me. because i'd never tell her i'm going to kill myself like that.

she got really pissed at me today. according to her

"

"

i have no reason to be depressed.  

she's right. and i'd say she has good reasons to hate me.

however she's my best friend and i don't want her hating me. i'll never forgive myself if she kills herself because of something i could have stopped.

today's been terrible for me.

my kidneys have been hurting me all day. normally they're uncomfortable cause they're too big for my ribs or whever they are. but they don't normally hurt as much as they did today. on top of this theres something wrong with my collar bone. i dont know what but it hurts like hell. i didn't hit it or do anything to it. i dont know why it is the way it is. my stomach is being a bitch too. i put too much tony's on my food i think. [tony's is a spice. used on pretty much all foods in la.] i'm hoping i'll be sick in the morning or something. and get to go to the doctor and have a drs excuse. i'll be able to miss school with one of those.

but that's not going to happen. i'm too optomistic for my own good.

on the good side of things, however. arrangements have been made for me to go to my friend, hayley's house this friday. so i'll be able to get out of hell house for a night.

however this may or may not happen.

depends on the mother's mood.

overall, today was terrible.

i'm missing sunny. because hayley has free long distance, and i'd be able to call sunny she told me. however the problem in this, is that i don't have his number, because if i did, it'd be too tempting for me to call him. and he hasn't been online in over a month. so i can't get it from him.

perfect oportunity for me to be able to hear his voice in almost a year. and it's gone. how's that for a sunny day.