cremesoda's Journal

I awoke this morning the same as I did a few hours before the dps officers came with the horrible news. It was like I was living that day again. The same weird feeling in my head and it wasn't any pain just that weird feeling. I started reliving those horrible phones calls I had to make to family members remembering every single word and the horror in their voices and mine. I felt as if I was loosing my mind for good. My husband tried to console me and I know he means well and loves me but I also Don't like to be around anyone when I feel that way.

 I had to take meds to just get those thoughts out of my head before I went insane.

I really scared myself this time.I couldn't take the thoughts anymore. I watched Dr. Phil yestrday and he had the meduim james van praugh and watching that left me feeling

 There might be some hope that if he is telling the truth then maybe my son is here still.

 I believe my son has been here as I know I seen him sitting on his sisters bed the other night looking at her then turned to look at me.

 So very angry right now because I still want to believe deep down that I'm just stuck in this horrible dream. I begged my husband for three days after the horrible news to please wake me up and get me out of this nightmare. When do these horrible thoughts start to go away?

 When will I stop reliving every little word spoken from the knock on my door till now.

When will My son come back home?