mermaid123’s Profile

Close Rape

I have been under treatment for the last eight years for the depression with medication and counseling. I have tried to commit sucicide twice since I was 14 years old and have had sucicidal thoughts almost every day for the last ten years. Ihave addressed alot of my "problems" during the last four years of counseling with a therapist who I have grown to fill very comfortable with. Among these problems is my issues with my mother with whom I had a very love hate relationship. Growing up I was exposed to my mothers own problems which caused her to marry six times and in between have as many as the boyfriends whom were all addicts of some kind and physically abusive to my mother and mentaly abusive to myself and my sister and brother. My mother always placed the needs of her male conterparts first before her own children and never stepped up to shield us from the abuse, as she was afraid to not have that male ther to make her complete. This contributed to the fact that we indured much when we were growing up including poverty and any sort of stability in our lives. My mother recentley took her own life the day before she was due to have back surgery that had a possiblity of leaving her paralyzed. I have had a tough time with this because I feel as though I wasn't given the time to address our issues and so I am left in limbo with the whole situation. After my recent diagnoses with BiPolar II, BPD, PSTD and PCOS I was put on mood stabilizers and hormone therapy and I feel like it is helping me to even out and not have to endure so many emotional highs and lows. The next step that my therapist wants me to address is the two rapes that happened when I was 14 and 17 years old that he and my physciatrist feel are the main basis of my PTSD. I have never confronted this issue as I become very upset when I feel as I might have to discuss with anyone in depth due in part as I feel partley responsible for putting myself in the situations that I was that allowed the rapes to happen. My therapist would like me to look into doing EMDR therapy and I would like anybodys feedback who has gone through this therapy because the info I read about it makes me very unclear as to how it really works. If I decide against it my therapist feels we should start to address it more aggressivly at our sessions as he feels as this is hindering me getting past my body issues with weight, self esteme and trust. I have never been in a relationship that I allowed to develope due to these problems. Well after all this rambling I would appreciate any feedback anyone can give me. Thank you

Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depression

I have been depressed since I was 14, I self medicated til 8 years ago when I finaly decided to seek proffesional help. I have been on doctor prescribed meds for 8 years and in therapy for te last 4 years.

Treatments

Cymbalta Working / Worked

Lexapro Somewhat Helpful

Psychotherapy Working / Worked

Wellbutrin Working / Worked