popthebubbles's Journal

July 2, 2008 Mood

Thursday, July 3, 2008

I was actually at my therapist today, 7:50 AM, just like every morning. I crashed into bed right after I came back from about 9:00 'till noon. Then had a kind of mini-binge for breakfast/ lunch. This is hapening more and more lately; hopefully when I start summer school in 5 days it'll even out...? rest of the afternoon was spent with chores and hanging out with friends. I wanted to write today too, but I just got REALLY depressed after my sister (who is moving out all of her things from our house to live with her husband) and my little brother (who is just 14- so in his irritating teenage years) both fought with me. I tried to drive down to the doctore with my mum today, but nearly ran someone over, I felt so out of it after the arguing. Yeah, so I got new medication for my ear infection and a bunch of shelves for my room which I plan to set up tomorrow. Nothing much going on besides that.

Then latest issue is that I've been gaining weight for some odd reason, and have already nearly had 2 anxiety atacks because of it. I feel like: "Great. So THIS is what I get for behaving." I kep wanting to rstrict SO BADLY, but I don't. I just keep eating and eating and eating. Like I'm supposed to. And all that does is make me feel WORSE.

My mother assures me that A) my scale is broken (she weighs more too...) and B) it may just be period weight gain. Appearantly (well, I certainly can't tell) I still look exactly the same, but now that I know the number I FEEL like I'm bigger...

We'll see on Friday when I have my hospital appointment. I'll talk with my nutritionist... I was MAINTAINING on 2000! Why is 1200-1300 SO BAD NOW?!?! Just 2 days... (Day and a half really...)

My friend and I have decided to make PICKLE PLANTS! We bought pots and everything, and decorated them. Then, we each plant a cucumber seed into each, and pickle it when its ready :) Yes, I find ways to amuse myself.

Only make it to 1100 cals. *Smacks head against keyboard* The bigger my breakfast, the more I SKIP THE REST OF THE DAY out of guilt :'(