1allalone1's Journal

Its been quite a while since I've posted on here. But as no-one wants to chat to me and no-one is replying to my posts, I have nothing else to do. I am currently on my friend's honeymoon with them in the far reaches of Scotland. Odd situation, but there you go. We are all waiting for the baby to be born, its due in a couple of weeks we think (long story there...they don't know the due date...not sure why...my friend's aren't worried though so I'm not). Its beautiful here but its over 8 hours driving back alone back home on Saturday. They are staying for another week.

Probably be the only honeymoon I will ever go on. When I think "I really want a partner" I then get all anxious and worried, and all my triggers are set off in my head and I think "ahhhhh...no no no!!!". Then I put it to the back of my mind until something else happens and I think "I really want a partner". Grrr...visious circle of blah.

Prime examle - Was sent an invitation to my ex's wedding reception. Me +1. I have no-one to go with me, so I asked my best friend who just laughed and said "no-way, they will all think we are together...no no can't do that". Great so I was not going to go. Last thing I need is a room full of my ex's friends and me on my tod. Then my sister suddenly decided that that would be the weekend she will come see me. So she is coming with me. How sad is that! sigh.

As for my sister, god I could kill her. "I'm too busy to come see you". Great thanx. I've lived in my new place for 6 months. She hasn't seen it yet. I think I've seen her once in that time. Its only a couple of hours away. But she's far too busy with her boyfriend to come see me. I moaned at both my parents on seperate occations about my sister's lack of thoughtfulness, both times she texts that night. Me thinks my parents reminded her that I exist and it might be nice to call me. She can't think of this of her own accord...no...so it just feels fake.

I can here my friend's having sex in the room above where I am. Last thing I need when I haven't had any on years is to know that other people...i.e. my friends are having a healthy marrage! Sigh sigh sigh moan moan moan.

yeah...