phoebe624's Journal

Gosh it is a while since I wrote in my own journal Mood

Sunday, June 1, 2008 | A Painful story

So then I heard about the other woman.... how do I feel.... sympathy for her errrh no! Gutted - just a bit! Angry - very! Sad - overwhelmingly so. Did she overlap with when he was with me? I think so? Will I ever get any of my money back? No! Did he spend my money on her? Probably! Why did he send me that vicious message? Cos he is a disgusting specimen. And lastly will I ever get any answers and of course the answer is probably not.

I take very tiny steps and each day the sharp pain dulls ever so slightly. If I work really really hard then I may not think of him and I may be soooo tired that I can get to sleep without any pills. If I talk to others and try and help with their problems and apply for evening jobs so I can't think anymore. I keep so busy that I feel like keeling over at 9pm. This will get better - it is now over two months and in another four it will be six and so on. Hope all my friends are doing better and I know that I am grieving for a fantasy but it was my fantasy and now I am afraid of growing old alone which seems inevitable as I simply cannot trust my judgement to trust anybody again.