redrosesrsweet's Journal

Well I have just experienced a life changing thing a few months ago....I found out I was pregnant! So for days when I was suspecting I was I was wondering what am I going to do, is Dylan really the right person I am able to relie on with financally. So many decisions I had to make. I was worried I was stressed. I was finally just starting out on my own, doing pretty well, had my own full-time job, being by myself in a bacholor for nearly a year and this happens. See I knew I loved Dylan and if we last I would have loved to have a child with him but not yet! He already had one daughter and he needed too find time to find a really good job and me like I said I just started out on my own. At first I couldnt decide if I wanted to keep it or have a abortion. But when I went to the doctors and finally knew how far along I was I couldnt give up the baby now. I thought maybe if the baby was a little smaller and it didnt start completing his organs inside him I could have let him go, but you never know. I just hope I have made the right decision. My gramma says I will do good, especially since I have been around kids all my life, she definatley made me feel alot better. But I still worry sometimes, not how I am going to be able to take care of the baby because I know I am going to be a great mother, I am already doing so well being a step-mommy, its just financially. I do have plans to start going to work or possible a college/school once my baby is a year old to actually have a good job, I just hope that I can handle it and that it will be financally hard for me at first I just hope I dont have to financially worry for the rest of my life. I have had it all my life I dont want to have that with my child. I dont want to do this alone, Im worried about that, but I know if Dylan isnt going to change things around and get and keep a job I am going to have to do it on my own, I just hope I can without emotionally "killing" myself. I am excited thats just the only thing thats worries me so much.