noideasanymore's Journal

So this has been a week from hell. Again.  Mom and her "thing" went on a road trip. (That was the good part.) 

So on Thursday June 12th the Cedar River decided to leave it's banks and flood like nine sqaure miles of the city I live in. My uncle and one of my cousins lost their homes. My uncle had flood insurance but the cousin did not. And everyone lost power for a while. And let's not forget the stench of flood water after it leaves. Contaminated, muddy, smelly, nasty goo.

Then on Thursday afternoon I get a frantic call from my mother, who is in Virginia, saying "your cousin has had an accident". She put her hand out to stop the screen door from hitting her 5 year old and instead of hitting metal she put her hand through the glass. She severed the tendon and the nerve in her wrist that control the middle three fingers. Fantastic, right? She spent over 8 hours in surgery on Friday and they don't even know if she will be able to use her right hand again.

Then there was Father's Day on Sunday. The third anniversary of my dad's death. How f-ing wonderful. I slept ALL day. I mean, the only thing that I got out of bed for was to let the dogs out and get something to eat and drink. I spent the entire day sleeping. I did not even walk out my back door. I just let the dogs run. (Talk about depression.)

Let's add accounting homework, music appreciation and comp 1 classes to all of this. Then we add work and more work. Then we add the other job of flood cleanup.  (and my sister wonders why I don't have a man in my life right now?!)

And finally the bright spot. I got to spend Saturday evening with my sister and her kids. That almost makes up for all of the crap and that is why I am still in an Good mood. I played the good auntie and gave my middle nephew his b-day present three weeks early.. It was a scooter. He loves me most. He will be seven on 7-7-08. My older brother would have turned 38 on the same day.

My 4 year old niece made my hair "pretty". It took almost an hour to get the tangles out (I have long hair) but it is ok because she had tons of fun doing it. The oldest boy who is 9 just tormented his little brother the entire time, which in turn made my niece start beating up the oldest one for being mean. It was absolutely hilarious. That little girl can fight. You can tell she has older brothers! It was a fantastic evening.

I think that I definitely need to schedule more time with the kids. I think I will take them to see "Wall-e" this weekend. It's the new Pixar movie. My niece is soooo excited about it and they are good therapy for me.

Ok, bring on the next week! I think I might be ready for it. Maybe.

Today wasn't too bad for a Monday. Next month it will be three years since my dad died. My heart is breaking as much as it did the day he died. It is a good day if I can make it until the end without crying about something stupid. I hate crying. It just pisses me off. I do anger sooo much better.

I have started doing projects on my house again. Finally. It is one on the hardest things to do. Dad and Eddie were always here to help me and teach me more about home repair. We had a lot of fun. Eddie and I put a new roof on mom and dad's house. Eddie knew what he was doing since he had done roofing for like 11 years. That is one of the hardest home repairs I have ever done. He said I was good at tear off. That was a huge compliment. It meant that he thought I was a hard worker. I picked up the phone to call him today. Forgot he wasn't going to answer. He is still speed dial #3.

My dad taught me how to install new plumbing in my house. They tried to teach me to drywall but that didn't go very well.

I got dad's motorcylce out of my garage today. I think I'm finally going to sell it. My little brother freaked out when I told him I was thinking about getting my motorcycle license so that I could ride it. I forgot that he sold his bike after Eddie bit the guardrail. It wasn't the bike's fault. It was the stupid decisions of the rider. I don't know what the hell he was thinking. He left me here alone to deal with this shit. He promised dad that he would look out for me, mom and Jo. Thanks for that Eddie. You suck!

My mother decided to start dating last October. My dad had been dead for a little over two years. Unfortunately she chose a man that I have known for about 8 years and cannot stand. He is not a nice person.

She used to be such a strong, independent woman and now she can't seem to do anything without him. He drives her almost everywhere. She has two vehicles. She only knew him for two months before she practically moved in with him. Her house stands empty right now.

She couldn't even spend three days over Christmas  in Branson with her remaining three kids and their families without lying and hiding the fact that she was calling him like every two hours.

His wife died in September from cancer. They started seeing each other by the end of October. She was barely cold in the ground. When asked why he was with my mom his response was "Well I'm going to be with SOMEONE!" He found the first needy, available female and latched on and we as her kids have no idea what to do.

My mom was one of my best friends until she got involved with him. Now all she does is lie and hide things. I don't trust her anymore. I have no faith in her as my mom or as a good person.

This is killing me. I haven't talked to her in 6 months. We used to talk every day, have lunch on the weekends and just hang out. I feel like my mom is dead. I don't like the woman that she has become and I don't want to know her. I WANT MY MOM BACK from that piece of donkey dung.

I am tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I lost my dad, my brother, my child and now my mom. Life sucks.

 I just want to be content. I don't need to be happy, just content. Is that really too much to ask?