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My father called last night happy with news of his blood tests. His health is stable and I'm relieved as he has been ill with a blood disease for the past 3 years and wasn't expected to live.
We had an upbeat conversation and he had boasted about how happy he was i found Jim, that my bp meds have helped me so much and especially, that I have done so well with my drinking. He actually elaborated on how I hadn't made any horrible mistakes (DWI, etc) before recovery & sobriety.
It hurt that I didn't tell him the truth about my accident & DWI last week.
Secrets damage relationships. It is something I have been working through w/ my family for years. This bothers me that I wasn't forthcoming & honest. I evidently have more to learn about trust. My shame would not allow it.
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Excuse my spelling. I'm tired..
It has been an unbelievable experience w/ hurricane Ike. Why I'm surprised I'm not sure as I have been through hurricanes before & have lived in Houston all my life. Other than having no power for 2 weeks, our apt. is fine. Many fences were blown over and trees ripped out of ground and/or falling on homes/cars in the area. Lot's of flooding of course. Gas was extremely limited waiting hours to fill our tanks and generators.
Galvestion is unrecognizable. Many people lost literally everything in their lives. It's heartbreaking to see the suffering. Also, many people are still living in shelters in Houston. The positive attituded are amazing and enlightening. Please pray for our city/Galveston and those hurt & suffering during this tragity.
Jim, Dylan & I spent most of our time after the hurricane at my Mom's house as she had a generator keeping the refridge cold and enough electricity for a few fans. We were blessed to clean our fridge out and tote our food there. As you can imagine, the stress ran high as we shared space w/ other family members with no where to go. What was even worse, there were conflicts in our family prior to spending so much time in the house w/ my stepdad which left tension leaving us all uncomfortable as he was rude and verbally abusive at times.
I have bipolar and the stress was triggering mixed cycling for me. I'm also a recovering alcoholic. Jim went to work and I had been suffocating in my surroundings. I was finally able to get in my car and leave for awhile to have some personal space which I couldn't wait for at the moment.
Before I drove to a parking lot to chill, i purchased some wine and drank it in the parking lot. Sat & just listened to music closing my eyes and breathing...
Made a few phone calls to friends. I was feeling irratic and alone at the time. Afterwards I had to move. I decided to drive to my apt. in hopes of finding the electricity finally working. I was driving fine in my lane with traffic lights still out of electricity so the traffic was a mess to say the least. A woman trying to cross the 2 lane road jetted out in front of me attempting to get into the middle lane to cross to the other side.. I hit her left fender going 40-45 mph. I broke hard trying to avoid the accident. My head hit my windshield breaking it. I had my seatbelt on and the air bags did not deploy. She was fine but had a lot of damage to the front of her car. Cops & paramedics arrived and I was in shock. I didn't realize at the times my head was injured along w/ my r foot and knees. I refused paramedics.
Cops demanded a sobriety test for both me and the other woman. I refused the breathilizer knowing I had had wine just before. They also found the small empty bottles in the back of my car. They charged me w/ DWI, cuffed me and took me to downtown Houston jail. I spent 2 days there. Never had been to jail before. Never had a DWI before. The jail was disqusting. I knew I had been drinking so I knew I deserved it regardless of not being ticketed for the accident. The other woman was responsible. I am responsible for my decision to drink & drive and feel terrible about it.
Oh, my car was totalled. I have no transportation @ the moment.
Have been to court twice since and received 6mos probation, inluding community service and many classes re alcohol abuse. Luckily my license was not revoked but due to my refusing the breathilizer, the judge may still take it away. I also have expensive fines to pay.
My next court date is Oct. 14.
I am feeling like a failure in every area of my life right now. I went to my pdoc the day after the accident. He increased my lamictal 200 ml. I have to go back in a week because I hurt my left arm w/ cigarettes to self injure and escape my pain. I also have an appt. w/ my tdoc next week
Finally able to move back into apt. yesterday.
I hurt many people w/ my slip and drinking. I hurt for them, not myself. i feel sick about it.
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Your NOT a failure. Your my best friend.
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I love you and I love Jim. You two can get through this together, but it will take love, understanding, and patiance. Like Jim said...'Your my best friend'. Be good to eachother, count your blessings, and allow yourself the pain for a bit, so it sinks in, but then allow yourself to heal or you know it will eat you alive.
I'm so glad you're ok, Julz. Together we can all get past the pain that we indure. God loves you so much, and can heal every wound. Jim and your son loves you. I love you. Peaceful rest to you, and prayers for healing.
Love, Karen
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Im sorry you are hurting so much sweetie but you are not alone. We all slip up sometimes. I will pray for you. Im so happy you got your electric back on. I know how it feels when you live (unexpectedly) with family. I had to do the same with hurricane IKE and RITA. God Bless.
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Take it one minute at a time. you have to look at it now and see how far you have come. It happens to fall off the wagon under such stressful situations. Im sorry that you had to get the brunt of all the situation as a whole. Having to leave to keep sanity then trying what u did to relax and cope and then the moron who cut u off.
Well, I know you are in pain and not too cheerful, but you have to look at the good in the situation no matter how bad, you are still here and no one died. Plus you may not have a vehicle, I know that is not good, but if you got upset you dont want to repeat what you just did. Things happen for a reason. Now for the weather stuff, no reason in my book for that its been severe this year all over.
I am lifting you in prayer, strength and courage.
You are a worthwhile person who is lovable and you deserve a 2nd chance. Take this time to heal and learn. It will make you stronger next time not to fall off knowing the pain and problems it causes.
I hope you are doing better. (((((hugs)))))
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Tough love...one little slip and look what it did. I know this is devistating to you. On top of everything else going on because of Ike, this only makes it worse. I'm so thankful, for you, that the accident didn't cause more severe injuries or possible death. It's frightening, all the things that could have happened. TRY TO FOCUS ON YOUR FUTURE now. You can't change what has happened, but you can control your future. I will pray for you sweetheart.
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Whoa Julie......... that traumatizing I know. But don't do like me and keep doing it. The penalty isn't too bad for your first but after that you'll be getting a jailhouse nickname... maybe Leftie.
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My ears and heart are wide open & I appreciate all of you so much. I'm listening to all of your advice and will take hold. Love you guys.
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I'm so so sorry sweetie. But I've read all of the comments above mine and I couldn't agree more. The past is the past and the future is what needs to be focused on. I know you're strong enough to get past this and to learn from this terrible incident. Please know you are in my prayers. Love you. Meg.
For all my friends in recovery.... Here is a song of alcoholism & drug addiction written for all who suffer. The lyrics below is your addiction speaking to you.
SAD BUT TRUE
Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
They
They betray
I'm your only true friend now
They
They'll betray
I'm forever there
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true
You
You're my mask
You're my cover, my shelter
You
You're my mask
You're the one who's blamed
Do
Do my work
Do my dirty work, scapegoat
Do
Do my deeds
For you're the one who's shamed
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true
Hate
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
Pay
Pay the price
Pay, for nothing's fair
Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you there
Hey
I'm your life
And I no longer care
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you
Sad But True
~Metallica
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I love that song..
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know what this is all about.. I've been clean for 16 yrs off meth.. ain't going back on this shit...
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I can hear the crunch of the chords....You rock ! xx
He loves you and Im sure if you sat down with him and explained he would understand. But to answer your question, I believe is is ok to lie in certain circumstances.
malice1
hey sugar !! I like to save the truth from some people.I have to be strong enuf to be responsible for what I've done and family's especially dads And moms need to be saved from some of our truth-because I think the worry about me or their kids hurts them in a sense-your dad sounds like he's proud of you!
I s'pose it's us that has to be proud of us!! I'm soo glad your back hun!!
hugs Bee
BeeRokka
My father is dying too Dreaming, and I don't bring up stuff like that. Don't feel that you let him down or are somehow a bad person... I think near the end of life I would rather let some things pass than to burden them with life's mistakes. Make sence?
ParagonOpus1
I'm torn on this. Although I really value honesty and the people who are honest, I feel sometimes, in certain instances, the truth is better left unsaid. Talk to Jim and get his input. Thinking of you. Meg.
NJgrl