Erin1975's Journal

I'm wondering if there will ever be a time that I get on this journal and write that everything is going well and I'm happy and life is good.  I've been trying to get this black cloud that continues to follow us around to just move on - go away - vanish.  It's been a while since I last wrote - that's nothing new.  But life has been a bit chaotic lately.  Where do I begin?

In late April, my husband and I planned a last minute trek to Myrtle Beach.  I didn't care how much it cost us or if we had any specific plans when we got there.  We have been 4-5 times and it's a beautiful vacation spot.  My cousin, her husband and her 7-year old daughter live there so it was a good excuse to visit with family that we don't see that often.  I booked a "suite" in a brand spankin new hotel right on the beach -it was awesome.  It had a huge bathroom, a kitchen, and a separate bedroom (with California king bed) and its own living with a flat screen TV - not a to mention a balcony looking right out onto the ocean - ahhhhh Calgon take me away.  Work had been crazy for both of us so getting away for 7-8 days was our ultimate goal.  In a nutshell, we had a nice time - we shopped at outlets (with no complaints from the hubby - surprisingly), ate well (ughhh), and spent the wonderful weathered days on the nice sandy beach.  It was great.  I, unfortunately, didn't get a chance to spend some time w/ my family because of school, and my cousins both have started new jobs that have them working countless hours 6 days a week.  But that was fine - we visited briefly but pretty much did our own thing.

We were planning to leave on a Thursday and I got a phone call from my cousin (in MB) that my uncle passed away (up home).  Before I left, I knew that he was very ill w/ cancer and was in the hospital planning for surgery and chemo.  Never did a think that he would not make it that long.  We weren't close (he was my aunt's husband so not my biological uncle) for the most part of my life; he was an alcoholic who led a different life at the bars and was pretty much a stranger to my family and my aunt - however, you never want to see someone suffer and it's still a loss of life.  Our initial plans were to leave Thursday and drive back home, stopping in D.C. to stay 1-2 days and do some sight seeing since I've never been there.  But now, my cousin and her daughter needed a right back home for the wake, funeral, and to be w/ family during this time.  So, at 4am, we now had two new passengers for our 12-hour trek back to NY.  Our D.C. visit was cancelled but luckily we didn't make reservations anywhere; we were going to fly by the seat of our pants and play it by ear when we got there.

We arrive home at 5pm and although we loved our vacation, there is always a little piece of me that's somewhat homesick.  My parents, sister and f-in-law were taking care of Bailey, our chocolate Lab, while we were away.  Feeding him, walking him and just keeping him company.  He's 12 and does not do well when we have him stay at someone's elses house so we thought it best to have them come in to his own element and keep him company here.  Each day we got good reports - he was eating well, doing his "business" each day and was loving all the attention from the different visitors.  When we arrived home, he was him same old self, tail wagging and was so excited to see us.  I gave him a  toy that we brought back for him and he was playing out in the yard while we unpacked and started the dreaded "laundry afer vacation" routine.  Life was back to normal until .......

DH and I were on the couch, half asleep @ 8:30pm because we had been up since 3am and driving all day.  Bailey was on his bed so again, nothing seemed abnormal.  I was fighting to stay awake for Grey's Anatomy @ 9pm and must have dozed off.  I was awakened to a funny noise and looked over at Bailey.  He looked like he was struggling to breath and I could hear him - very labored.  I went down by him and he just didn't look right.  He wouldn't get up to walk or go outside to the bathroom.  Our next venture was the the Animal ER - something just wasn't right.  We rushed him over there - thank God it's only about 5 minutes away.  He sat in the back seat of the car and just stared into space - he didn't make eye contact with us, he didn't cry, he was breathing heavy and he just didn't seem himself.  We get inside and see the Dr. right away - she asked many questions and all we could tell her was that we were away and for the first 4 hours that we were home, he was his normal self - then he sat down, and it all went downhill.  My DH said that he was petting him on his side and he just flinched up and wouldn't move - he must have been in pain.  Soon we would find out why ... 

We were told my the Dr. that she would need to sedate him to get an ultrasound and a chest xray and that the reason for his heavy breathing was because he was in distress.  This would, of course, require us to go home without him and just wait.  He would definitely be there overnight.  We went to bed but both couldn't sleep - we waited by the phone for an update.  Anything and everything was running through our heads - did we feed him something wrong, did he get into something poisonous while we were away, are hips failing him, etc.  I mean, he is 12 but we weren't ready to let him go - not like this.  Phone rings at 12:30am and the Dr. said his chest xray came out normal but his abdominal u/s showed that he had a large mass in or around his spleen and it looked like it was wrapped around his intenstines and other organs.  Thank God my DH answered the phone - I wouldn't have been able to speak.  She suggested that he be opened up to see what's going on and how large/bad the situation was.  Since this is not our normal vet, she suggested he be kept overnight since he was resting comfortably and we see our normal vet ASAP in the morning.  Needless to say, no sleep that night and the first word of "mass", I assume cancer and we are going to have to put him down.  I cried and cried until I had a massive headache.  It was a horrible night .. after a wonderful vacation.

We arrive at the ER the next morning @ 7:30am and the vet tech said he was so good all night but he was getting antsy and he couldn't wait to see us!  They walked him out and he was very dopey looking - slow moving and definitely made a bee-line for the door!  His leg was wrapped in red gauze because they left his IV line in.  After paying $750, we were on our way to our normal vet and into what we had feared all night long.  Our vet took him right in at 8am and was very attentive to him.  He could definitely tell that something was wrong so he looked at the xrays and confirmed that there is definitely something there that needs to be taken care of right away.  He basically tells us that it was serious and that he needed surgery right away.  At the last minute, he slips a form on the table and states "you will need to sign this - if we can't remove what's in there, we will have to euthanize him on the table".  I looked at Bailey and just started crying and again, had to have my DH sign that form which just broke our heart.  The vet handed us his leash and his collar, I gave him a kiss and told him to be a good boy and back he went into surgery.  He told us to call after 11am.  I cried the whole way home, DH was a mess and I fought all day with thoughts of him not being in our lives.  As many of you know, those that don't have children, rely on their pets as their kids.  How would we handle this?  No kids, no pets, a forever quiet house?  I struggled all day .... 11am arrived and my husband made the phone call that we were dreading.  I heard him mention the mass and then heard him say "so you got it all out and he made it through?"  My heart was beating out of my chest - but he wasn't out of the woods yet.  Long story short, he spent 5 days at the vet, regaining his strength and being pumped full of steriods and vitamins to regain all the blood loss.  The vet was amazed at how well he was doing.  Bottom line was that there was a softball sized mass in his spleen that had ruptured (could have possibly ruptured when he was playing around w/ his new toy when we returned home that night) and he was bleeding profusing into his abdomen; hence the heavy breathing.  He had to remove the tumor and the spleen and clear up all the blood.  He was cut from one end to the next but was doing okay.  For 4 days, it was touch and go with constant phone call updates.  On the 5th day, he was ready to come home.  He was very slow moving, looked very thin and lathargic but at least he was home.  He slept for quite a while and we needed to keep him quiet.  He was ravenous and couldn't get enough to eat!  But he was home and that's all we cared about.  We couldn't stomach the thought of having him put down on the OR table because we wouldn't have been able to say our goodbyes but if he didn't make it out after the surgery when we got home, we at least knew that we did all that we could to make him healthy and keep him here w/ us.

Fast forward to today - exactly 3 weeks since his surgery.  His stitches are out and even though he lacks a spleen, he has recuperated much quicker that even the vet could imagine.  It's like he has a new lease on life and it's great.  He's running, jumping, eating us out of house and home and is definitely enjoying feeling well.  Makes us wonder how long he had that mass and felt horrible.  The vet said it was good that we were perceptive his behavior change because most of the time with these spleen issues, the mass ruptures and the poor animal bleeds to death.  Funny how dogs won't complain, wimper in pain, yet just sit there and give you that look - the help me look that I saw all too often a few weeks ago.  So, I thank God for watching over him and bringing him back to us to spend a few more years.  As I said before, I'm not ready to let him go and he's obviously not ready either.  

Fortunately for us, a happy ending ......