volleypony's Journal

I'm actually feeling OK today. I haven't had much contact with my stbx. I did actually (thinking it was my daughter in the bathroom) poke my hand in the cracked door and give the "I love you" sign. He was rather shocked. As was I when I realized it was him and not her. I went out and began my morning chores, and as I did, I realized that I'm not the one who stopped loving, it was him. That's how this all began, I asked him why he can't say he loves me on the phone anymore and his response snowballed in to divorce. My point is, that I didn't stop loving him. I loved him the best I knew how and that wasn't enough. I've never felt a very deep connection to him, but I've never truly felt a deep connection to anyone. I've always wondered how anyone could possibly love me. I never FELT like my family loved me, and (with the exception of my sister) don't feel like my family loves me now. I actually feel like my brothers hate me and my dad does the best that he can with what he's been given.

I hope I can continue the feelings of positive for a while (hour, day, whatever).