mna0214's Journal

Yeasterday was very hard for me. I tried to take my mind off my pain and apend time with my parents and b/f. At frist it was going ok. we were all having a good time and then my fater said something to me that made me really upset. I am not sure how it came up but I said something alog the line of being a mother too and he replied "yes, your were one, but not any more." we both went silent. I think he knew he hurt me but for the rest of the day i was wondering if that was how everyone felt about me. I know he didn't mean to be hurtful. It was one of those think before you speak moments but it still hurt likee hell. I just want people to treat me like i feel i am. A Mother! I loved mason more than anyone in my life could imagine. I carried my baby for 4 months. I look at my sister who has been blessed with 3 amazing children and she takes them for granted so  much. I think sometimes that my experience was to happen to show me how not to be with my future children. that is the only good that i can say has come out of all of my pain.