ghostinashell's Journal

the saga continues.
on friday when he tried to make up he came in the bedroom, happy and smiling, stopped inthe

doorway and asked me if i was still mad.  i said i was never really mad just really sad/bummed

he would say those things.  and he replied, you're still mad.  and i said no i am just sad.  he said

i was still mad again and i said in a very quiet and calm voice (maybe too calm), please dont tell

me how i feel, i know how i feel and i am sorry you dont believe me when i tell you those

things.  i really didnt want to be around him but i know i was being stubborn, me wanting an

apology for what he said and then he acting like nothing ever happened.  that evening he tried

talking again, acting sad himself he said i should read that book he got.  the morning after our

initial argument he bought a book on personalities (enneagrams) and he said it was really scary

to see himself so simply laid out in a book and that he was way over in the extreme part of his

personality.

yesterday(saturday) i got up at 4am and read the chapter on his personality and it was scary

(though not surprising) to see how utterly close it is to him and how much he was over on the

unhealthy side. i went into the room and was getting dressed to go to the gardening store and

he said ok in a weird tone and i asked do you want to come?  he said sure but wanted to take a

shower so i said ok.  but then he changed his mind saying i really didnt want him to go and that

i was being secretive.  i said if i really didnt want him to go i wouldnt ask.  i told him you

should know this about me by now and i have told him many times that sometimes i just like to

go alone and see that as "me" time.  he didnt believe it.  he began on how i wasnt making it

easy to get back together and i asked why?  i wasnt being secretive and i thought i wanted to

go alone but then thought it might be nice if went too and wasnt making a big deal out of it. 
we talked for a few mintues on the bed and i said something that clicked in him (finally!).  he

said something about how he wants us to be one person (scary) and that he wants us to spend all

our time together.  i reiterated that i need at least a little alone time...for me, not to be with

anyone else or to be secretive but just to be alone and quiet to think about my day or just think

about things.  he made an "i" statement while talking about our relationship and i told him about

how this dv class i am in talked about something i have always thought about relationships.  i

said in class they say there are three things in a healthy relationship, do you know what they

are?  he just looked at me.  i said theres you...theres me....and theres us.  he looked at me

again and his eyes widened...he said he was always in the "us" (and i know that, thats the way

he is...he defines him self in what ever R he is in).  i said sometimes i just need a little time

for the "i'" part so i can bring whatever i experienced or learned back to the "us".  he looked

astonished... you mean that you feel you are losing who you are as a person because i am

always wanting to be in the "us"?  and i said yes.  it's not the first time, believe me!! that i have

told him this, i dont know what doorway was opened when i said whatever certain words i said

to have him understand what i have been trying to tell him for at least a couple of years.

he went on to say how he wanted to try harder on being a better person.  and the reason he

got the book was because he needed to learn how to get along with the people who matter the

most, his family.  so from that point on things have been pretty good.  we went grocery

shopping, then later on the bookstore and then the garden center.  today the plan is to go to

lunch with the kids and then take them bowling...we havent ever gone bowling as a family yet

so i am very excited!!!!  fingers crossed and i hope you all have good day!