DarleenF's Journal

Doing better today.  Having more problems with the puggle foster I have than the son's ex.  At least with the puggle I can trade her for a different dog foster.  With all the foreclosures out there many dogs and cats need new homes.  If any of you have ever thought about fostering a dog, cat, bird, whatever, the need for more fosters is real.  At least we can keep the animals alive a little longer. If any of you want more info let me know.  You don't need to be a professional, just have some time to give the animal some love and attention.

Dave is getting a lot of support from other people, too.  My husband is now willing to help with the court costs to get the papers filed.  I am using my stretching exercises to relax my muscles and listening to the soundtrack to Mama Mia to relax the mind.  I love the music and the movie was really special to me since I was a young mother when ABBA was first played on the radio.  I can remember dancing with the babies to their music.

Thanks to all of you for your support and caring.  Friends are so important. 

Life just doesn't seem fair.  My 31 year old son, Dave, moved back home on July 18 after being told to leave.  I still don't know the reason he was asked to leave.  He says it was because they got in a fight about her wanting him to help pay for her to go to a music festival and she says we should know why he was asked to leave.

She went to the music festival with a cousin and was gone from Tuesday Aug 5 to Aug 10 and left my grandson in the care of her father and brother.  Her brother just got out of prison in December and her father works fulltime nights.  I have nothing against former inmates but her brother doesn't seem to want to get back to work and help pay for his living expenses. He also has a daughter that lives with him every weekend and some days during the week.  While Dave was living in the apartment he was supporting his girlfriend, their son, her two older sons. And her brother and his daughter part of the time. When Dave was laid off neither his girlfriend nor her brother seemed to be interested in getting any jobs themselves to help with the living expenses.

Last Thursday morning, Aug 14, she called our house at 12:07 AM to talk to Dave and I told her he was sleeping because he had to get up at 6 AM to get ready for work.  She insisted that I wake him up so I did (big mistake). After he talked to her he came to me and said she was out at a bar and wanted him to come get her because she didn't have a way to get home.  He also said she had been talking to him earlier in the evening and wanted to get back together with him and now sounded very drunk. Dave and I went to get her and she got in the car. I started to drive to her dad's house when she said she might as well get out and walk home since I had come along.  Dave said we were just trying to make sure she got home alright.  Then she started swearing at me and when I stopped for a stoplight she got out of the car. We were in contact with her brother and Dave told him where she had gotten out and I think her brother and dad went to get her. I'm not sure she remembers any of this because she was so drunk.

She has full custody of her and Dave's son and has not allowed Dave to see him since July 20 when he went over to get some of his things. My husband and I were able to see Billy, our grandson, for 2 hours on Aug 3 but have not been allowed to see him since because any time we have arranged a visit it was not convenient for her even though we set up a specific time and place. Yesturday we were scheduled to see Billy at 1:30pm at a park but she called at 1:05pm  and said she could not get to the park because the stroller was in her dad's truck which was not at home. I told her we could pick her and Billy up because we had a carseat and she said she was not comfortable with that. I am so angry with her. We also have not been allowed to see her older boys even though she wanted us to call them our grandchildren before they separated. I really feel bad about the older boys (8 and 9 years old) because their father has been in prison and has not seen them and Dave has been a big part of their lives for the last 2 years. She just doesn't seem to care about anybody but herself.

Dave is determined to get to see his son because his father left us when he was 2 years old and was not in touch with him much until he was 19. He really wants to be part of Billy's life and if he was so bad to her other sons why would she want him to come back? 

All of this stress is causing me more pain from the fibro and I can't sleep. I know we can't do anything until Dave starts proceedings for Parental Rights and hopefully custody for Billy. I just wish all this didn't cost so much because Dave can't qualify for any low cost family law help since he is working. My husband has reluctently offered to help him with the filing fees to get things started.

Sorry this is so long but it does help to write it down.

We had a beautiful day today here in St Paul, MN.  It's always amazing how beautiful a day can be after so much bad weather.  We didn't have any damage from storms or flooding but some of our family and friends have had damage.

The dog we were fostering has found a new forever home.  Nora was adopted yesturday after a dog adoption clinic.  She went with a couple that have two other dogs that will keep her busy and we have been invited to come see her. The house seems really empty now but the cats are happy to be able to roam the house without being attacked by a dog.

We are leaving on vacation on Wednesday so the next few days will be hectic getting ready to leave.  We are going to visit my brother and his family in Michigan and then on to Ohio to see my mother-in-law.  She lives alone and needs some help with things around the house.  She has told me she wants to get out of the house but when my husband or his sister talk to her she doesn't want to look at any alternative housing.  I think is may be hoping to move closer to us. 

Dave and Mandi have made up again and he came over to get his things today.  It has been  a really bad week because he was here on Wednesday after seeing Mandi and really started to give me a bad time about his childhood and how he was raised.  His father left when he was two and his sister was 5.  I was a single parent for 5 years.  I seldom got any child support so I went back to work and school after being off for 5 years, so the kids went from a home with two parents, one home all the time, to a home with one parent that was gone most of the time.  They had to go into daycare full-time.  Their father was not in touch with them until after they turned 18 so they did not know him while they were growing up.  Mark adopted them after we had been married 4 years and my youngest son was born (he is 20 years old now! Yikes)  I feel like Dave was using me as a punching bag (verbally only) instead of looking at himself and trying to figure out how he could improve his life and relationships.  He even implied that I could not see my grandson and the other boys but he did call the next day and said that he had not meant that. I am having a hard time figuring out what I am to Mandi's boys.  I certainly feel like their grandmother and want them to feel that way too but sometimes I get conflicting messages from them.  The fibro fog doesn't help either when I forget a special day or something one of them has told me.  I am still not quite sure how things stand between Dave and us but he has said he will tke care of the cats and water the plants while we are away.

Guess I had better head to bed soon.  Soft hugs and warm wishes to every one.