sassy84's Journal

dihydrocodiene, i have my meat cleaver my old friend n the sharp knife cant believe how easy they were to find when i needed em most, fuck doin well, everyone wshits on u do not trust anyone or anthing u try so hard everythings great then somje bastard that really hates u fucks it al up, whoever they may be god, friend, family wotever just fuckin life i have tried so fuckin hard n today i hit rock bottom i stopped my anti depressants 4 weeks back, i have none, my dad had a go at me and belittled me like when i was a child again for been 5 mins late 4 gym im 24 years old, i thought he was gunna hit mje, i just got out of car at junction and walkedaway cryin i have cryed all day i may be gettin evicted as council are fuckin about with my housing benefit, i spent oloads on house tryin to get it rigtht b4 i broke down i hate my father, i have swtched my phone off i want to be alone fromn them all tellin me how well i am and how good i must be doin  NO IM FUCKIN NOT im sick of fightin so hard, i achieve a olittle and the summat just comes n drops on me , i found out i have no true friends, they all have their own agendas my parents support consists of askin when im gunna liven up, friends comin up uninvited with drink wanting parties wot kind of fuckin mug am i , the last 24 years of my life is hell i have accepted n i can seriously not be bothered anymore, im arguin inside right now, im on antabuse, bought alcohol, found the cleaver n knife, got a a full box of anatbuse to react, full box of diazepam 5 mg codiene 30 mg and zopiclobne 7.5mg  just not sure which sounds easiest, thank u all for been there when u didnt even know me, i dont think im ever gunna win this fight i get the help it works the professional help but there r so many more people i only get a short while n then its me n my mind again..........i feel so screwdd cant believe my ex knows im long term sick gettinh 350 a month to live on havin to psy 70 of that in rent coz council draggin, feet he on 800 every 2 week and he wants money off me to care for my son, i have forty pounds a week, that wont even ge food i havent eaten properly for 2 week one littl meal here and there takin diet pills lost a stone and a pound already im sick of writin shit now, i cant chsnge the 100% boxes on goals but if i could im guessin by nd of night they would be at zero if i could change them