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What can I say? Who can truly understand what another person feels like? How can I honestly say I need help, when I am completely numb? Well my mom isn't coherent, according to the doctors she might die any day? I'm numb now and I don't know how I feel. I try and be sad cause I feel sad, yet I can't truly feel any sadness. I can feel angry, yet it goes away almost immediately as well. I try and talk to others, yet as soon as I get the nerve up to do it, my mind goes to other subjects. I then talk about other inane things and go numb again. I tried the whole pain thing to feel something yet it did nothing but hurt, which sucked and it didn't hurt much. I thought about suicide but I don't want to die, where is the fun in that. My motto in life is to have fun, yet I have very little fun, and usually the only way to have fun is to talk to people, yet when I talk to them, I just want to tell how I feel, yet when I start the conversation, it just goes to more inanities. I tell myself how I want a conversation to go, and work it out, in my mind. Yet when it comes to that I don't do it cause the conversation in my mind was more effective then the actual conversation with an actual person. I feel depressed so much that it feels normal and to have normal conversation with someone is such a lift that it makes me happy. What the hell is wrong with me???? I want to feel for my parents, I want to feel for others in my family. I want to be able to have some kind of relationship with someone to ease the painful aloneness I have had thruout my life, yet i can't get any feelings for anyone, even the love I used to feel for family is distant, and I don't like that. Is this normal? Is this an actual problem? Is this something that can be cured? People I know and "hang" with they are just faces sometimes. Though my feelings seem to be mostly gone, I still feel something for my mom, yet I am desperately afraid when she leaves me, I will go completely numb and go thru life with no feelings what so ever, yet while i type this my fear leaves me..... anyone here know what this is? is this normal human behavior? Is there such a thing as a functioning human who feels things strongly for 10 seconds and then goes numb? what to do... what to do
Well yesterday i went for a drive and sat around a park and read a few books, had a nice relaxing day and then came home real late, and watched a few movies with family and what not... im not TOO stressed out today so it must have worked somehow.
i need a life
i need a cure for cancer
i need to date
and i NEED money...
lets see if i can work on that
Little about my situation.... I am in desperate need of some kind of help i believe/feel. My mother has cancer and is now on hospice/at home... they stopped chemo therapy everything and are basically waiting for her to die... i am having problems with this obviously and i am looking for help.
1. im not religious
2. im a college student/hence poor and no insurance
3. i stay at home and help take care of my mother, though here lately i can't seem to do that either.
4. i want to get back to the way i was before the doctors put my mother on hospice, I used to be very helpful and lots of pep in helping my mother and family, now i cant seem to do anything correct and im basically flipping out.
What can i do i have never asked for help before in my life and i dont know where to go or what to do i saw this place and thought i might give it a shot, im giving up on life and my mother and i DONT like it, and im hoping i can get some sort of help. I would love professional help of some kind if any is available for someone without insurance.
if the people here could give me any ideas on what to do or where to go i would be so appreciative
