My doctor and I decided that therapy …
My doctor and I decided that therapy can wait since I am trying to get better on my own. So I have finished my …
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The tears fell last night, but I refused to give in to my emotions. I was pretty disturbed by my husband's behavior, but once again - I held my peace/tongue and decided to not allow it to bother me more than it already was. I woke up with the same sadness and decided to regroup/change my focus. I completed my school work, cooked myself breakfast, and talked to my best friend. I felt much better after talking to my best friend. We have a way of bringing the sadness out of one another and being able to enjoy the moment no matter how bad things are when we're together/talk to each other.
He, my husband, woke up rather late and started cleaning the house. I just finished my work and he just finished cleaning the "whole" house. I'm glad that he did because I really didn't feel like cleaning any way. Maybe he won't have an attitude (because he had to clean alone) and we can do something nice together once we get dressed. That would make me happy, but I won't allow it to depress me if we don't ~ whatever. We'll see...
Until later, I'm in search of a better day and a better way..
He, my husband, woke up rather late and started cleaning the house. I just finished my work and he just finished cleaning the "whole" house. I'm glad that he did because I really didn't feel like cleaning any way. Maybe he won't have an attitude (because he had to clean alone) and we can do something nice together once we get dressed. That would make me happy, but I won't allow it to depress me if we don't ~ whatever. We'll see...
Until later, I'm in search of a better day and a better way..
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Peace to you my dear. Keep being strong and overcoming the onslaught of emotions. You are strong and beautiful. Keep leaning on God for your strength. He is always there for you.
brokenkat
Well, I broke a little this evening. Tried to share my emotions with my husband because I just couldn't take another night of sitting here with him just watching t.v. and saying nothing. Of course, it just turned into an argument and tears shed for me... It didn't get as bad as it has previous times, I just felt like I had to release. We calmly talked a little more and now, he's just sitting, watching t.v. once more. Such a waste right? Maybe next time I'll just go out and spend $$$ - it always makes a girl feel good right? (At least it makes me feel good - smile). Thanks for the encouraging words ~ I'm truly trying.
TellMeWhy
You're doing a great job, sweetie. And becoming stronger in the process, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
SeekingSerenity
Thanks. I went out to the mall for about an hour and a half. I had money, wanted to buy something, and couldn't find a thing. That sucks! Oh well... I guess it's better than wanting to buy and not having the money to do so. See - I'm trying to see the good in everything. Well, I'm back to my sad home. It's a shame too because we just had this house built a little less than three years ago and it's such a beautiful home to be filled with such sadness : ( -- I'm going to stop as I'm not trying to go there emotionally. Being here right now is bad enough. I'm thankful for my DS friends ~ always there with an encouraging word. I truly appreciate it!
I do feel much stronger than I did before, I must say. I just feel pretty crappy right now. I'm not giving up though. I'm still holding on believing that my change is soon to come. There's no way God can be a loving God and allow me to leave in this wilderness too long. He said that He won't put more on us than we can bear. Well, I guess that means if I have it, -- then I'm equipped to handle it. Well, I'm off for now...
TellMeWhy
You are strong, and only the strong survive. And I say that because you are still there, we all have our trials and storms to go through, some of us have more than others. I live the very same life you are living. I finally cried myself out, and layed it down at my fathers feet. I must say it's better now, but, the only thing that changed was me. We still argue, I just don't cry no more..I have a sick relationship, but I just came off chemo and I'm trying hard to get my health back and let my hair grow back. So I will weather this storm and ask God to guide my steps. I pray that you will hold on cause God has a plan for each one of us...yours and mine is coming. You already have the victory on yourside cause you have our Father...Deborah
padgett