sophiebear's Journal

I hate this.  I don't get it.  How do people live 'normal' lives?  I've been in pain for two weeks now.  Apparently, I shouldn't have eaten dinner tonight (a turkey sandwhich) because it literally went right through. My stomach still hurts and that was hours ago.  Dr gave me new medicine to take for my stomach, but I haven't tried it yet becasue I've had bad experiences wiht new meds and well, since I'm crazy, I'm afraid to take it.  So, I plan to take it the next time I have a free day. 

I really do hate this.  I've had shortness of breath all d*mn day--5th or 6th time this week.  I told my dad today and he said "you worry too much".  Umm, yeah, but that's not why I can't freakin breathe!! I actually considered going to the ER or urgent care today.  I'm sure they'd probably just tell me to deal with it. Too bad I can't anymore!  I'm sick of it! I'm only 26-I have to live the rest of my life this way?! In pain, scared, anxious, etc. Seriously!!?? How the h*ll do people do it?  How do people with medical crap like mine live a 'normal' life??

I just don't get it.

I don't want to keep getting poked and prodded by drs anymore either.  I felt so good for a while-I thought I was done with that.  It totally does not help that everytime I get poked by a dr, I pass out.   

I really f-ing hate this.

So, I started a new job in April and it was going great untill last week when my stomach started giving me all sorts of problems.  One of the two assistant managers quit last week. The other assistant manager told me about it and suggested I talk to the store manager to put my name in for the position. 

I don't know what to do.  I'd like the assistant manager position, but with my anxiety and stomach, I fear I won't be able to do what's expected of me.  It's only 32 hours a week, but it's retail, so I'd have to be on my feet for 8 hours a day...ewww. Do I want to exhaust myself like that?  Just for a better title and a little but more money?  I really could use the money (I assume there's a raise involved, but probably not by much) as I'm trying to get out of my boyfriend's house, but at what cost?  Would it be worth it to potentially make myself sicker?  I'm so confused.

I go to the GI dr tomorrow.  Maybe he'll have some promising information for me that could allow me to at least get the courage to put my name in the running.

I am sitting here at my pc already not wanting to work tomorrow.  I worked my butt off last week-7 straight days.  I finally got a couple days off...then on my third day off, they called me in to cover a shift.  Tuesday, I didn't feel good and called out.  But they gave me some problems about it because no one would cover my shift.  So frustrating.  I've covered so many shifts, even when I was anxious, an no one would help me.  

Tonight, I'm getting that sick feeling just thinking about working tomorrow.  Not to mention I have a headache.  Why am I like this????  Do 'normal' people ever get this feeling?  I feel like I'd rather have surgery tomorrow than work.