tlk1229's Journal

Things are getting a little better. I didn't cry myself to sleep last night and I made it to work with minimal tears.  He has actually tried to initiate a few conversations via text and I have somehow found the strength NOT to respond.  After all, we will not be pals if he is moving on with her.  He can look to her for conversation and support, right?  I particularly resent the fact that he seemed to be trying to make me over lo look like her...tried to get me to dye my hair blond and dress more like her.  Blech!  I'm glad I didn't.  

Someone is coaching him and making him extremely paranoid.  He accused me of wanting to keep his stuff?!?  He cancelled visitation and then became irate when I made plans for our daughter to visit her grandparents during that time.  AFTER HE CANCELLED!!! 

Part of me wants the other woman to leave her husband and then have this relationship fall apart.  But I would also hate for another family to be torn apart because of this.  I am not a saint and I have neglected my marriage in the past.  There was a time when I thought the grass would be greener on the other side but I stopped things before they went too far.  I know what it is like to be tempted and I don't blame him for that.  I blame him for not telling me about it, though. 

I cannot explain how much I detest divorce.  Thinking about going through it actually makes me a little sick.  I always thought divorce was for quitters.  But here I am, about to go through a divorce and powerless to stop it.  

My health is well...imperfect and I will get my first injection on the 28th.  It infuriates me that he chose this particular point in time to leave.  I hope they mix up the meds and accidentally give me superpowers! lol