tlk1229's Journal

Why is it that every time I get the strength to behave like a self-respecting woman he suddenly calls or emails with trivial bs?  I swear, he invades my thoughts.  I admit sometimes I answer with a blank text just do he will have to pay to receive it.  =)  We can't be friends.  I miss him horribly and I would work on things if he wanted to but I CANNOT take him back.  You can't forgive someone who isn't sorry.  That isn't forgiveness.  That is delusional.  I told myself that I was being a good wife to him but I was really just afraid to tell him how I felt because I was afraid he would leave me.  I wanted to be able to trust him.  Just because you want to trust someone doesn't make them trustworthy. 

My big issue at the moment is religious guilt.  I don't believe in divorce or remarriage and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life alone.  I thought we would grow old together.  I have always believed that divorce was for wimps and quitters and that two people should be able to work out their differences no matter what...but just look at me now.  A-L-O-N-E.  My Mom has been showing me Bible passages that she says support remarriage if you were abandonned by an unbeliever.  That is all fine and dandy, but he is a non-practicing Catholic.  The Bible doesn't say jack about believers that are in rebellion.  So what do I do now?  Sadly, this isn't my first rodeo and I have been down this road before.  It's not just that he is being an ass (even though he is being a HUGE ass) I have to take responsibility for choosing this dillweed.