preshuz89's Journal

I just got back from his house.. my ex. How quickly things have changed. It was so nice to see his family again though, it felt like it had been a lifetime!! God, I missed them. We're such good friends now it's as if nothing ever happened.. He hasn't even drank since we've been talking, mind you, that's only been about a week.. I still feel like we're together, but I know we are not..

We talk and hang out more than we did when we were together though and we get along great now.. I don't understand it.. I miss him, I want him to be mine.. I may be pregnant..

I don't know what to think of anything, nothing makes sense really.. SIGHHHH!..

I called him from the island. He answered. Now he's more mad at me than I was at him..

I just don't understand. He says he's mad cause I said I wasn't ready to stay friends yet..

I missed him so much and thought we could try being friends.. but now he's mad that I said no and doesn't want to talk to me.. At least that will make things easier for me.. FUCKING ASSHOLE.. :( Bad day..

I thought getting away would take my minds off of things, but instead all my memories from when we came here together keep coming back!!
I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to cope.. I feel like absolute shit...

I have that feeling.. of not wanting to live again! Over something so stupid!
My heart.. honestly seriously hurts... I can't take it...

FUCK! I texted him! I don't get it!! WHY!? WHY did I do it!?

Today I went with a friend to his school because she needed to sign up for some classes.. I was so scared I might see him!

We were sitting in this room and I heard his voice right beside us, thank God he didn't come in that room though.. It would have been so awkward..

But from that moment he was all I could think about and I broke down and texted him! He actually didn't reply.. Maybe he's strong than I am!?? Maybe he's mad I actually left for good this time??! Who knows... I just feel so stupid for texting him!!

UGH!