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So I finally told them about my friend's death today, it was a miracle that I could get it out amongst all the tears and sniffling My mum practically had to squeeze it out of me, but she took it a hell of a lot better than I had expected, along with my dad. I tried to hold off telling my brother but my dad let it slip. In hindsight, it was probably better that he knew now rather than later. And not from someone else. I told them all I could, about the lead up to his death, and the guilt I felt. Naturally they reassured me that I had no control over it and that there are some things that can't be fixed. They also told me that they will always be there for me and that I shouldn't be afraid of telling them anything. I'm not trying to undermind their compassion or anything but they said everything I had thought they would. However, I appreciate everything they did. There was one thing though that my mum said, and although I had realised it about myself, it was sort of comforting to know that someone else noticed it. She said that I was the type of person who liked to fix things and that I had a protective nature, but I had to remember that I had my own life and they did too. I have to quit shielding so much from them, all this time I have underestimated their ability to cope with life's curve balls - so to speak - this time they've surprised me.. I will have to keep working on this. There's still not a great sense of relief yet, but I can definately be more open now that I know I have their support.
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I just failed my goal..I just can't seem to buckle down and will myself to do anything...
No one's ever around, or it's never the right time. While writing this, I can't find focus and very slowly I'm starting to even give up writing this entry.
Past Entries
| June 2008 |
Thursday, 6/19
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May 2008 |
Friday, 5/09
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I think it is great that you found the courage to lean on your family. I am so glad that they are supportung you.
dpossum