chaz59's Journal

I need to get my priorities straight and have God, family and myself, I need to get myself better to make the others happen I need to find the peace of Phillipians 4- 4-9. I need to find a way to Trust God and have Faith and Make a new set of goals.

But the First goal is to restore myself

The pressure I am making is my own. If I could just get out of my own way! I wake up in a panic and feel horrible. This is day 14 of Lexapro, and I had to take two xanax this mornign or I might not of been able to function, one the day go going I am doing well.

I need to find a way to relieve this morning funk I wake up with.

I really am trying to work to put it in God's hands but the minute I do not get immediate healing I feel betrayed. Which just means I need to work on my faith and trust, I know healing will be on his time not mine, and I will not give up. I sure feel like it in the mornings. It is hard to get excited about anything.

Back to work (again), woke up all night with anxiety. Day 12 of Lexapro, it is 02:47 in the afternoon and I have already had 2 xanax. I am at a conference. I just need to relax. I know and like all these people. I do not understand why I am wound so tight about this. I am beginning to think it is more the job than the bariatric surgery! But they do say the bariatric surgery has these syptoms and they usually go away after about three  months when you start eating a more normal diet. It helps just to type this out. I am 11 weeks out from the surgery. Did a lot of praying today trying to get myself healed on my time not HIS! That never works.

Chaz59