luxolo's Journal

My ex husband told me the divorce is finally thru and that he wants the kids to be raised by his mother. I take it he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. We were so happy I still find it hard to believe he was not into our marriage like I was. I still feel this is just a terrible nightmare and he is coming back but I guess I should just forget but HOW?

I have 1 sister,we're from diff fathers but we're close,we were brought up by a single mother. My mom got married when I was 18 and she picked a fight with me and I left to live with my aunt a few weeks later I heard she was getting married,that marriage lasted 5 yrs long enough for her then husband to get citizenship.My sister told me that my mother is getting married to my sister father.She(my sister) is so happy and I had to once again act as though I was (pretending is my life now it seems). My mother first threw my kidz out of her house and I swore I was never coming back to her house again...I guess this is what she wanted afterall....why couldn't she just say so...we wouldn't have to fight...I would have givenn her the space....

I got a job...my old job back at my home place...I was happy bcoz I had a wonderful nanny, which my kidz loved....and I was to leave the all behind and visit them everymonth....but now I heard from my aunt she is leaving and never coming back..she hates working for me.....I don't know what I am going to do with my kids now...I'm leaving in a fewdays.....I really hate leaving my kids with a stranger to look after them ..yes my aunt will be around on weekends and in the eevenings but still...I'm not comfortable...and hurting

My life sucks, they say after the storm the sun always shines but the storm has lasted forever for me...I don't know if I'll ever smile and be happy ever again...it  hurts so bad.....

I wish there was someone who went thru what I'm going thru & survived to tell the tale...I would love to hear from them....I don't know how to get up from where I'm at now        

the weather has been terible the whole week.Things have been terribly bad for me the last month and I pray to God that they can only get better now. I was involved in a car accident last month. the panelbeaters are asking for ZAR40K and I don't have that much.the insurance is refusing to pay. I don't have a car now because of that,I'm thinking of maybe buying a cheaper 1 with no instalments,maybe for ZAR10K,is that a goodmove? , My kids are not going to school theses days,they're so tiny I just can't trake them out on a weather like this. I wish there were homeschooling projects this side too,I would definately register them to a project like that.

I'm not feeling to good today but I don't want to complain atleast the headache I have is better bearable than the tonsilitis I had the last two weeks, 2 wks can you believe? I thought I was dying. I love my food though I'm not a good cook and now keeping me away from enjoying my food is like a ticket straight to hell to me.

My cousin sister (24) is now living with me and I really thinkk that that was a bad move.She is also unemplyed but the difference btween us is that she sleeps until 12.She doesn't even look at the paper I buy everymorning to look for job, she never finished her degree so I told her to look for a course to do and I'll pay for her and that was 3 months ago she still doesn't know what to study. she just enjoys sponging off and yet I have 3kids and she doesn't have any. I don't know what to do, any suggestions plz?

My babies dady finally deposited maintainance money for the kidz but guess what, he deposited the money to my mom's account and she is refusing to transfer the fees to my account and I won't beg her.so she & my ex husband had a fight because like me he just doesn't understand why she wouldn't deposit the money for his children and as much as the babies need the money, I refuse to get involved.He didn't understand it when I got admitted for depression because of what they both are doing to me but I'm not goping back to that hospital so I won't be stressed. 

thanks for reading, u'll hear fromn me soon

 Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want - Jim Rohn