hurtinmama's Journal

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Tuesday, May 6, 2008

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=brittany+rae+jones&search_type=

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What about my kids, Brittanys brothers and sisters, she has 22, 21, twin girl 17. I dont know what to say or how to be there for them. Because I'm so numb I don't want them to think bad of me...I don't know why I am so numb and I don't like it... I lost my daughter suddenly just a couple of weeks ago and I feel like my life is not my own. Like I'm watching someone elses life, not connected to my true feedings and I hate it...is this at all normal or is something wrong with me

hurtinmama
I just watch your video shes a beautiful girl.My heart breaks for you!even though mine is still shattered, sweetie you will be numb for a while it takes a long time to even feel a pinch of healing I wish there was something i could do for you because believe me I would in a heart beat. it's a pain you've never felt before and you can't even wish this hurt on your worst enemy.Honey I loss my only child,but I spoke with another mother who was grieving and she had other children she told me that she sat them down and told them that the pain would feel the same if it had been one of them and that she loves each and everyone the same,I don't know if hearing this will help?I'm not sure where your from but try your darndest as soon as possible with your other children to seek grief counseling it may help.I hope that I haven't offended you in any way sweetie because I have learned Thur this nightmare everybody grieves different will keep you in my thoughts. Peace & Love to you,Tammy

TamN
As you slowly emerge from this state of shock, you will find yourself unprepared for many situtations. We survive in different ways, it seems after hearing from other mothers, most of us function on auto pilot. The greatest emotion for me in those first several weeks was fear for my other children. I had a great sense of fear of losing another child. It was almost irrational. Life is not innocent anymore. We have been changed. Change is hard and to the rest of the world it is another day when we lose a child but for us it is life altering. One thing I always did for my other kids is to let them know no matter what we would be OK (I often doubted my own words but said it anyway). I worried about crying in front of them but you can't hide something so big so I cried and let them know that I cried because I love and missed their brother so much and that I love them so much. There is no right or wrong. You may choose counseling. I went for a few sessions. I didn't take my kids as they are younger than yours and seemed pretty resilient but that can be deceiving too. My son that died was only 15 months older than my second son so naturally they were extremely close. That is who I worried for most but he has great friends and yes he still grieves but we will always grieve. Grief does not end. We learn to incorporate it in to our new lives. You will feel so many things, loneliness, isolation, numbness, fear, anger, resentment, bitterness, and helplessness. The list goes on and on but you need to feel all those things. They are your feelings and go ahead and feel them. After time you will feel cheated if you don't. I know that doesn't make sense but it will. You will feel like a physical body without a soul. I remember praying for fate to step in and take me out of this earthly life so I could escape this pain. Losing a child is so painful. I've painted a very grim picture but what I want to tell you is that after all those emotions you will feel, in time you will start to feel love, joy, faith, hope and security again. It is a LONG road so please don't ever feel like you can't do it anymore because I'm almost at a year mark and some days still the light is dim but there is finally light and that is huge. I am always hear for you as many mothers on this site will be. You never travel this journey alone. May I please give you my heartfelt love and support and tell you how sorry I am of the loss of your beautiful daughter. Love Robin

Robin4
I am so sorry for your loss and she was such a beautiful girl. Sudden loss is terrible, any kind of loss of a child is bad, but sudden unexpected loss is very traumatic for the family left behind. And as parents we never except a child to die before we do. What you are going through is normal. I am still in the twighlight zone myself, but this is the begining of your journey of grief. Talk to the wonderful people hear at DS and hang on to your faith. Prayer has helped me so much, when I feel like I just can't make it I pray. Even if you are angry with God he still loves us and hears our cries. It is hard to be there for your other children, because one can never replace another. But just let them know how much you love them even if you don't feel like you are being there for them. They love you and they won't think your bad just let them know everyday how very much you love them and they won't forget that, they will understand because they are hurting too. I have been going through the same thing with my daughter and grandchildren after the death of my son. My daughter knows I love her and she understands, because she is dealing with her own pain that helps her to understand. And I tell her everyday how very much I love her and even though I don't feel like I have been there for her, to help her with her pain. I know she knows how much she is loved. You have to take care of yourself. Be gentle and kind to yourself right now. And just know you have friends here at DS that you can lean on. We are all traveling this long winding road called grief. God be with you and keep his loving arms around you and comfort you during this difficult time in your life.
Love,Kathy

kat50