QueenBee's Journal

I have been on this diet / lifestyle change now for a month and I have only lost 15 pounds that is it I dont feel any diffrent I see no change I am exersizing as much as I can. And still nothing I Just dont know what to do? And this morning I had a panic attack at work I have been haveing pain in my throught and started freaking out I was in pain and wanted to know what it was So I called the Doc and he said that he would call in Axithromisin? Antobiotic if that doesn't help the he wants to see me I might be my tonsils? So after I talked to him I was calmed down a little so to day was in the least a little stressfull and depressing and dissapointing all in one. What A DAY! hope tomarrow is a little better!

Today….
Even though I have been taking all my meds and now that I have started this diet. You would think that I would be feeling better but, I don’t I feel worse. I feel like it will never do any thing and I shouldn’t even try! I want to just give up! I am more depressed then ever I feel miserable, sad, depressed, aggregated, upset, disappointed, tired, run down. Like I just want to crawl in to bed and go to sleep for a while a long while until I feel better.
At this point I don’t feel like I will ever feel better. It makes me sick and angry and even more depressed because this is all over food! I just want to eat and eat and eat any thing and every thing. I just want to eat. I am happy when I eat no mater if it is good for me or not I just want to eat. I am drinking 60oz of water to fill the space and I still feel like I am hungry and want to eat. Why do I feel this way?
The only reason why I am going on this diet is to be skinny that is all I want. I just want to be skinny. Then I feel like I will feel better because I will look better. Because I will be skinny. But I can’t stand to have wait, to basically stop eating to be skinny! I wish that I could have surgery or some thing done to help me, one feel better and two loose weight.
I have been on a really, really, strict diet for almost a full week, that seems like nothing to some but for me it feels like the worst and longest week of my life. This is what is so sad and sick is that it is over food. There is something wrong with me very, very, wrong. And the worst part is, is that I don’t think I have lost anything! Nothing!!!
If any thing I think that I have probably gained 8 pounds or more I hate this I really hate it I just want to QUIT.

Help!!!!!! Anyone HELP!!!!!!!!!!

I have a problem well my 15 year old brother has been getting in to a lot of trouble lately. He was in trouble in 8th grade for truancy then over the summer he got in trouble for possetion of weed, and had to go to court and was put on probation .After that he moved in with me and my family and was doing good but he had a out burst and broke some things and tore up the room that we had for him so we decided that he needed to go because we did not want that to happen again nor did we want our boy’s to see it again once was to much. So today I went to my dads to say HI and tell him that I might be able to get my brother a job working with me if he stays clean. Then I found out that my brother was caught by my dad two other times. So my dad and mom sat down with him and “TALKED” to him that was a week or so ago. Well when I was there with my boys my older one wanted to go in his room and play his video game so me and my dad and the boys went in to my brothers room and my dad started picking stuff up and found a match book and in side it was full of pot seeds. Then we started looking around in his room and found an altoids tin with weed in it and a pipe and a bowl and some other different types of pipes. A bag of stems and some burnt papers and lighters then a book that he cut out the middle of it and stored tweezers and aluminum foil and empty baggies. So I told my dad to call the police I kept telling him the more that we found but he kept throwing it away. I kept getting it out and then I told him if you don’t call I will and said are you he gave me no answer so I called. Now both of my parents are mad at me and think that I should have just stayed out of it and left it alone and that it was not a big deal and that I should have let it got and let boys be boys and kids be kids. I guess that I am now doubting my self on what I did was right. I really don’t know know I thought it was the best thing to do He needs help be for it gets really out of control. But my parents think that it is no big deal. What do I do? I am torn I thought it was the best thing to do was it not? Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What should I do know?