courtneyLC22's Journal

should i temporarily say i hate my mom and dad?

my dad is the worst.

he is so opiniated.. and thinks all suicidal people are selfish, and the pain that they go through is self-inflicted.

he sticks up for my mom and just adds his 2 cents in everytime something goes out of control.. like "your attitude sucks."

well so does yours dad. happy fathers day. where do you fucking think i get it from?

and the way i interrupt them when they start to say something that's not true..

where do you think i get that from?

when i have 3 older brothers.. and all they ever do at the dinner table is talk over me.

no one ever asks how my day was.

and nobody will ever know what i go through .. what goes on in my head.. its too fucked up.

and plus, now that i told my mom that she makes me want to kill myself.. now that she makes me feel terrible for saying those things, calling her a bitch.. now i feel like i cant tell her anything.

so i will never tell anyone except you journal, and the ones who choose to read this

and the thoughts that fly through my head..

i have no control

having depression is like losing control, and gaining anxiety and stres

and when i take a hit, it's like i dont have to worry about losing control, or worry at all about anything

and when i haev no weed.. and im stressed out, i forget about all the people that mean the most, and all the things in life that mean the most.. and suicide seems like my best option

i didnt mean to actually hurt my mom by saying she was the reason..

i was trying to tell her that she stresses me out that much! THAT much! and you'd think she'd want to change. but now she's blaming me for her headaches and staying up the past few nights

im

so

lost