5/29/08 - 12:31 p.m. - at work
May 29, 2008 12:49pm
At work... kinda bored. I've been ok this week... still trying to get over being sick, but at least I'm starting to feel better. …
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helplessrightnow’s Profile
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About Me
I was sexually molested by my cousin when I was 4 (or maybe 5) years old. I've remembered the incident all of my life but minimized it because I felt that it was no big deal (I still have not been able to connect my feelings to it). Finally, when I was 26, my life fell apart, so, I decided to get some real help and tried psychotherapy (I had cried every other day for 7 years prior to that point). I've been in therapy for over 9 years now to deal with the depression and anxiety. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia. For the first 6 years I was med-free. I was making progress but still spent about 3/4's of my life too scared to really live it. Finally, my therapist suggested medication. I was very upset to hear it at first, because I felt like I was "giving up". But as I mentioned, I have been in therapy for years and still had so much to work on that it got me thinking OK how many more years will it take before I start to really feel better? 5 more years? 10? 20? Then it hit me that I don't know and that life is way too short. So, I decided to take it. I do feel better about things now, but there are still times when I just feel like I can't bounce back for a couple of days. I don't know who to go to during those times... I feel alone. I try to express it all to my husband, but I know he's not going to understand things on my level. Things don't seem to bother him like they bother me. I envy how he's able to just let things go and not let them fester. I decided to see whether there were any online support groups and came across this. I'm eager to find out what it's all about.
Interests
interior decorating... shopping... cats ... broadway plays ... operas... concerts ... traveling... make-up ... sephora... trying different cuisines... My favorite quote: "Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe."
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Journal
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5/26/08 - 2:40 a.m. - at home
May 26, 2008 2:55am
this weekend was a waste!!! still sick!!!! sucks big time!!! I am feeling better though, just icky stuff in my …
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5/22/08 - 11:20 p.m. - at home
May 22, 2008 11:19pm
Well, I just read a journal entry from Aimee, and she mentioned about being "silent all these years", when the Tori Amos song popped into …
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5/22/08 - 12:26 p.m. - at work
May 22, 2008 12:50pm
Well, I'm still freaking sick. I had to reschedule the Big T and the Big P. Only have 2 doses of Lexapro left. …
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5/16/08 - 1:36 a.m. - at home
May 16, 2008 1:42am
OK... guess what???? chicken butt!!!!No... for real, I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's only 1:39 in …
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Anxiety
I've been working on my depression/anxiety for years now. I've gotten a lot better, but there are still times when I just feel like I can't bounce back for a couple of days...today being one of them. I don't know who to go to during those times... I feel alone. I try to express it all to my husband, but I know he's not going to understand things on my level. Things don't seem to bother him like they bother me. I envy how he's able to just let things go and not let them fester.
Treatments
- Lexapro Somewhat Helpful
- I've been on it for about 2 years. I feel like it has helped, though it does make me extremely groggy in the morning and low libido.
- Positive Thinking Too Soon to Tell
- I'm trying to do this. I've taken the time to make 2 lists: the first one is 10 things that I'm really proud about. The second one is a list of 100 things that makes me smile or laugh out loud. It was difficult coming up with all of it, but when I was done I felt a little better. Now, I keep it in a notebook and carry it with me. When things get bad I start to read it until I start to feel somewhat better. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. So I'll take that for now.
- Xanax Working / Worked
- I have an extreme phobia to flying. I take xanax half an hour before a flight.
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI've been working on my depression/anxiety for years now. I've gotten a lot better, but there are still times when I just feel like I can't bounce back for a couple of days...today being one of them. I don't know who to go to during those times... I feel alone. I try to express it all to my husband, but I know he's not going to understand things on my level. Things don't seem to bother him like they bother me. I envy how he's able to just let things go and not let them fester.
Treatments
- Celexa Somewhat Helpful
- I was on this prior to lexapro. I felt it was working ok, but my doctor had me change after lexapro came it. I'm not really sure why and feel pretty stupid for not having asked.
- Effexor Not Working
- I took this prior to celexa and lexapro and I felt it did not work on me. Not only that, I started developing bad rashes all over my body.
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- I've been on it for about 2 years. I feel like it has helped, though it does make me extremely groggy in the morning and have low libido.
- Positive Thinking Too Soon to Tell
- I'm trying to do this. I've taken the time to make 2 lists: the first one is 10 things that I'm really proud about. The second one is a list of 100 things that makes me smile or laugh out loud. It was difficult coming up with all of it, but when I was done I felt a little better. Now, I keep it in a notebook and carry it with me. When things get bad I start to read it until I start to feel somewhat better. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. So I'll take that for now.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I've been going for about 9 years. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia. I was not able to leave my apartment at first. Now I'm married and have a full-time job. Things are going well, but I know there's still so much to work on.
Open Eczema
I suffered from severe eczema from age 5 up until highschool. From that point, it started to get better. Now it flares up once in a while but mostly only on my joints, though last year it was extremely bad all over my scalp.
Treatments
- Clobetasol Working / Worked
- turned that area of my skin lighter
- Fish Oil Somewhat Helpful
- I've been taking this for about 2 months now. I feel like my skin is not as dry. My scalp has not flared up since.
Open Short Stature
I'm only 4'10" and 3/4's. I seemed to be a normal hight up until the 6th grade when I just completely stopped growing. It pained me so much as I watched everyone else grow taller around me. It was worse when I saw my younger relatives surpass me. I can't stand the short jokes either or the pats on the head.
Open Shyness
I've been extremely and painfully shy since I was about 4 years old. I've been working through it through years of psychotherapy. It's helping me express the person I am inside.
Treatments
- Pets Working / Worked
- I have a cat Misty. She makes me feel loved and needed.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I've been going for about 9 years. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia. I was not able to leave my apartment at first. Now I'm married and have a full-time job. Things are going well, but I know there's still so much to work on.
- Self-esteem Considering
- working on it. through psychotherapy
- Singing Considering
- I love karoake... only with the family. I find it a lot of fun.
- Socializing Working / Worked
- I'm married now.
Open Nutrition
I'm very uneducated about nutrition, but I want to start trying to eat healthier.
Open Internet Addiction
I'm on the computer all day at work and have access to the internet. I go on once in a while there when I can, but I'm usually extremely busy. When I get home from work everyday, I can't help but log on to the internet. I'm usually on it up until I fall asleep. But sometimes it keeps me up all night.
Open Healthy Eating
I've started gaining a belly about 2 years ago. I'm thinking it may be the pill I'm on, but I'm not quite sure.
Treatments
- Humex Not Working
Open Healthy Sex
I haven't wanted to have sex for a while. It may be the medication I'm on, yet I recall feeling this way prior to taking it.
Open HPV
was diagnosed with this a year and a half ago.
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Groups
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