recent03's Journal

Friday night!  I went to happy hour with Chauncey and Jeremy from work hoping to ease my pain of being alone.  It didn't work even with 3 drinks!  I sent him a text while I was at the bar about the mojito I was drinking and he didn't respond.  So, me being the weak being that I am called him on my way home and asked why he didn't respond to my text.  He didn't see it. (like I really believe that!) 

God, I miss him.  I do want him to be here with me.  I CAN change!  I will change for him.  I will work on our marriage for him and for our child.  Tristan does NOT deserve this misery.  Tristan deserves for us to give this a chance.  He said "what if we work on it and we end up right back here in this same mess?" 

Am I really scared to be alone?  Do I really want him or just want someone?  WHat kinds of questions are those?  Of course I want to be with him.  I made a VOW to him that I would be with him.  I love him!  He says he doesn't know what love is.

I really want to show up on his doorstep tonight, but that would not be good!  I just need to go to sleep and forget about today.  Tomorrow is another day!  Lord give me strength!