angela1122's Journal

Believe it or not, this is the 3rd time that I have tried to post this entry.  Each time, something messed up and I had to start all over.  Talk about patience.  Okay, last time.....

Went to the Neuro doc on Friday, May 2.  Thought he might have some news for me.  He had said that he was going to look at my MRIs and EEG reports and see what's going on.  So, he looked at my EEG report and said "Well, the report is good."  That's it.  Go home now? NO!  I wanted answers!  I told him that I was like a poster-child for MS and I needed to know if it was that or something mimicking it.  Guess what?  He never saw my MRIs!  Oh--by the way, my mother drove me cause I still can't drive (safely that is) and also (okay, first, I don't cry in public EVER unless I'm very ill and in the hospital--that's about it); I cried!  About that time my mother pounced on the doc like a mother lion protecting her cub!  She wanted answers!  So, off we went to pick up my MRIs that never reached him.  Mom took them in and hunted down the doc, gave them to HIM (not his nurse as he instructed us) and told him that she wanted answers NOW!  Needless to say, he went to his office right then during his lunch hour and called me back within 30 minutes.  And.......nothing.  No lesions, no nothing.  Okay, I said.  Now what?  Spinal tap.  I'm scheduled for this Thursday, the 8th.  He's looking for MS, infection, and whatever else could be lurking around.  I told him at the office that I thought my "episode" or whatever you call it was over; but, I am having "residuals."  That is, I still have trouble walking or waddling around, if you will-- falling over, running into things, my world spins and rocks and I see double alot; my headaches are torture and I stay away from too much stimulation; my speech varies by day--I stutter, can't find words, sentences, or forget whole thoughts, long pauses...etc.; I can shower or clean dishes, etc. for maybe an hour and then my Sx flare up and I have to rest usually in bed in the dark; my coordination is horrible....fine motor skills and gross motor skills are definitely askew....oh the list goes on.  So, what is going on?  Okay---I could acclimate.  I did when I was first diagnosed after 2 years of wondering what was up when I became ill with autoimmune disorders in 1998.  In fact, I was disabled for 8 years when I decided to go to work even though I hurt all over.   Yes, I chose a high-stress career where you have to multi-task with no breaks working with judges, attorneys, abused children and their offenders, etc.  I like my job; but, have been trying to learn how to lower my stress and workload (over 50+ hours at work and more at home plus 24/7 on-call every so often).  I don't know if I'll be able to go back and this where my impatience comes in.

I need to know what's going on and if I will be able to return to work or not.  I called my SSDI worker and she says she is going to work on reopening my claim (I worked for 2 years) without reapplying.  I am trying to have everything ready just in case.  Medical costs are already high.  Well, I guess I'll post again after the results from the Spinal tap come in or before then.  The journal is helpful to get stuff out.  I'm going to post something completely different yet similar to my Sx that some of you might find interesting.  If you are considering the drug Lyrica then please read it.  ----ang