Rileigh's Journal

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE!? Mood

Saturday, May 24, 2008 | A Painful story

Well yeah three out of four of my close friends confronted me about cutting myself and everything, and they were actually mad at ME! So they were practically yelling at me. Later I texted one of them and said how her approach was messed up and everything and so that hurt her feelings, but I made up with her, and now she's mad again. Exept this time it is much, much worse. She called me an emo and me and my best friend bitches and she won't tell me why I'm such a bitch in her eyes and she said we're over. All I try to do is smile and have fun with them and be kind, even as my world is crumbling around me, and I slip once and they all hate me! I do not understand at ALL! They hurt me so much and then blame me for all of their hurt, all of their anger...I am so lost... no one really understands and now I will have to find different friends to hang out with if Erin isn't there... All I want to know is WHY I am put thrpugh all this when I have just tried to repair all the damage in my friendships, while they play their cruel little games: I beg, they resist, maybe eventually forgiving me, then gossiping about me behind my back, and getting mad at me again, still not wishing to fix ANYTHING! They used to be so close, and so kind...I don't know what happened and I don't understand! I NEVER thought they would reject me like this! And in my worst of times! And I have to keep smiling for my family when my heart is torn and I am in so much pain