sadeygreen's Journal

I find it so strange how one day I am fine and doing well and then the next I feel like I'm falling apart.

Yesturday was one of those falling apart days.

Of course me being me I don't show anyone anything but a smile and I keep my sorrow to myself until I am alone and can just cry it all out.

I want this to be over and I know it takes time,dreaded time.

My whole life has completely changed and the cause isn't what matters its that its changed.

I want Dan to be alive and life to be quiet and calm and full of peaceful contentment,but it isn't and it will never be the same.

I won't ever be the same again.

With every person you lose it chisels away at you a bit at a time, but I also know in my heart that I have learned and grown from it and its forming me into a kinder gentler understanding person.

And makes me want to reach out more to people who are in pain and suffering from whatever the loss in their life may be.

Learning to accept that this has all happened is the hardest part and pulling up my boot straps is harder still.

I begin again and I have learned and learned and learned!

I believe in my heart that everything in our lives happen for a reason,I don't always know the reasons why but sometimes we just have to trust that in the end all really does work out for our good.

My mom use to say you have to live one life to know how to live another and I agree 100% with her wise words.

But as my son Travis said to me the other day, if even one moment was changed in our lives it would all be diffirent,our children,our mates our jobs everything.

And he's right.

And as I say, this is life, and its all happening now and if we choose we can join in or we can just sit on the sidelines and watch the rest of the world live.

I myself want to live and live fully as possible in my little world and be the best person I am capable of being because I'm not ready to fold up and die.