tryin2makeit's Journal

I interviewed Amy DiBartolo on Friday and I thought it was a great interview. She had a lot of great things to say and had depth of experience to share- she is an awesome person. She brought a binder of photos from her time with the East Hanover Environmental Commission- tons of great outreach: canoe rides, stream bank plantings, flower potting, stream clean-ups, storm drain stenciling, making new trails, etc. It was great! At the end, she gave me some great advice about the future that is still with me- to have a plan...for the next ten years! I have to ask myself "Where do I want to be in 10 years?" and then get on the path to get there. I have never made that leap in my career/employment thinking- just kind of wingin' it as I go, and doing whatever is available. I think it's time to make the change in thinking- time to approach the CAREER. I think part of what has been holding me back from making this leap before has been a fear of committing to one thing for the rest of my life. It feels like there are too many choices! and saying yes to one thing means saying no to all the other options. But no, I don't think it's like that-  I think you have one main focus that becomes your job, and then you can have many many side interests to go along with that! It's great! And I want to make sure that I am making efforts to improve and expand my employable skills. So that is the latest- now where do I go from here? I started looking over GRE materials, now I want to get an idea of what programs are out there, and how I can go back to school and get paid to do it! Time to make those decisions- decide what I want to be doing. It feels like it has some GIS in it, maybe some engineering. Who knows! I have to look at grad school options. Decide when to take the GRE. Look into emplyment options for the next year. And do a tap dance on my old self.

Been awhile since I wrote something down in this journal. Trying to stay up on it, it's hard! I have been feeling quite busy. After my therapy session on Thursday last week, I sat down in the waiting room to try and construct a plan for this week. I felt discouraged, though, and ended up leaving with a blank weekly planner. I think I'm just tired. I went to Urban Fishing on Friday and had fun with the kids there, then I headed up to Middlebury for the 5 year reunion. I recall feeling anxious on my way up during the long drive. And I stopped to play chess at a rest stop on the Thruway. I had to sit in the phone booth area to access the wireless internet AND have an outlet to plug in to. My laptop battery is good for about 5 minutes on full charge. I felt totally strange doing it, but the draw of a game of chess overpowered that sense. And during the game, my mind goes to another place- my world becomes the board. Once arrived in Middlebury, I stalled and delayed going in to meet/see people. I was feeling anxious. I drove around town to look at the sites and see what the place was all about. I didn't really feel any connection to the place despite my having lived there for almost 4 years after graduating. If anything, I felt that void of having lived in a place for that long and not having a sense of it mattering. So lame. It was good to see people at reunion, though I feel like I made minimal effort to talk to people and was mostly avoidant. Most times, when alone, I felt awkward and anxious about not knowing what my friends' schedules for the day was- would I be able to meet up with them for a meal? I felt very dependent on them, and yet I made little effort to ensure I would know their schedule. Okay, cuttin' short, gotta go in to the office.