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Rosalie1990's Journal

Whats new! Mood

Friday, September 19, 2008 | A General Update story

Nothing much. Except my mood changes about my course! But in the end I have to stick it out! Who knows I could be a great costume designer one day! (Now that would be cool!)

Any who, continuing to try to have a more healthy diet, and get fit! But its very hard!

It was much more easier to exercise the last few days though, because it was warmer! So that was nice! But yeah all good things come to an end sooner or later! And at the moment its feeling cold again! But I will continue to exercise! I promise.

Well yesterday was our Young People's meeting, and as usual I cooked for it, mostly because I wanted to impress him, as always. And well I thought it sucked! Because when John walked in the door he said a big hello to my mother and father, but said nothing to me.

I know I shouldn't have expected him to, but yeah it did make me feel rather unloved. And well want to leave this country, so as to get as far away from him as possible. But I know even if I did have the money, I could never travel alone. So from now on I wish that he would be erased from my mind, even though I know he won't.

Just like the words of a song I like go "O love that wilt not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee; I give thee back the life I owe, that in thine ocean depths its flow may richer fuller be."

I feel like I am always continuously dwelling on it. It not letting me go, and even when I try to think positively it all seems to crumble when, such things as last night happen.

If only the dream I had later on, had been the actual meeting! Because there, he asked how I was, a bit nervously and I looking at him and then staring at my hands whilst blushing, but all the while, still answering his questions. Sometimes I wish I could stay in the dream forever, never to wake again. Because to dream is more better than to live. But of course no.

And from now on I must try to forget him, concentrating my thoughts on other things, because it is more painful to hope, when you know all is hopeless, than to not. If I don't what have I to lose?

So from now on I must try to concentrate on getting good at designing clothes like my second cousin Trelise Cooper! getting healthy and fit. And more confident in my body image. As well as trusting in God, though I still fear I will have to put career over marriage because, meeting a guy who would want to marry me, let alone being able to talk to him in the first place is impossible.