MellyW's Journal

I finally feel happy. It has been so long! I didn't think I would ever feel good again after losing my Momma. Ever.

It still hurts like hell and when I really stop and think and REMEMBER that she is gone, or pick up the phone to call her - things get bad. But, I truly honestly believe that I was saved from having to go through something worse with her. I'm not sure what exactly could be worse than making the decision to remove someone you love off of machines keeping them alive and WAITING for them to pass on. Actually saying please don't go - come back and then saying it's ok, you can go....wishing in the wee hours of the morning on day 3 of being awake at her side praying for god to finally take her....but I do. I do believe I was spared something worse.

I still have anxiety and panic attacks.......but they are fewer between. I talk to her and when I need her I ask her to come and visit me. And she does! That very night she's there in my dreams just like I asked her.

Ok, onto happiness! I feel fantastic! I'm working just about full time again. My husband's business stays busy enough to keep us going - granted it would be nice to be busier - but we are paying the bills and that's what matters!

I'm joing a gym.

I can ALMOST wear my hair down! I bet in a few months I will be able to!

I'm not stressign on selling the house or the land - it will happen when it happens.

I find myself more in love with my dear husband every day! That is an amazing thing! I definitely love him MORE than I did 10 years ago - but to still be IN LOVE?! That is a blessing! 

Today is Friday and we get to go into town for dinner, drinks, and watch live music! That is one of my favorite things after a long work week. It's a reward for us!

I hope you all are well and have a fantastic weekend!

Love and smoochies to you all!