toza37's Journal

I'm doing better today. Haven't talked to my dad yet.

Have errands to run. Went to tanning salon today. I'm getting old.

The years of being a sun fanatic have caught up with me. My skin looks leathery. Oh well. One day I guess I'll have to have it lasered. I planned to anyways, as I had terrible acne as a teen, and my dermatologist really screwed up my skin. I would go there and pay him to pop my zitts, which left really bad scarring and pock marks. Than, at 19 I had dermabrasion,(skin sanded), done by a plastic surgeon because I had terrible acne scars. I spent 5 days in the hospital, and 2 weeks hiding in my house with my face all bandaged up. When the bandages were removed my skin was flawless...for 1 day. Whe the swelling went down my skin was worse than before. He sanded too much in areas, which left white splotchy scars, he cut my eye lid, lower and my undereye area, which wasn't even supposed to be sanded, and to this day I have a hard time applying eyeliner. Gosh, I sound so vain. It's just that....I was teased soooo bad as a teenager. Pizza face, pimple queen...all the names. They used to throw dog poop at me, dump my books, the kids were just awful because they thought I was ugly. From 13 to 17 I was the one kid everyone picked on. I finally dropped out of school. Tanning was the only thing that evened out my skin tone, and made the acne scars less visible. But, I've always dreamed of having clear smooth skin one day. It is my one and only wish. Maybe I'm vain. I just want those memories to go away, and everytime I look in the mirror...I see myself at 15. I hardly look in the mirror anymore.

Boy, if anyone on this site was interested in dating me, I just blew that!!! HA HA!!!

I'm not dating now anyways. Haven't for years.

Well, I guess that's enough writing for today. I was doing OK...now I feel horrible!!! I really know how to depress myself.