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Last night I woke up screaming. I've never had such a vivid dream. It was sooooo real. I don't want to describe it, only thinking of me makes me shiver.
What is wrong with me? I was doing great last week, I was able to chase him out of my mind and think of something else. This week for the first part, I had dreams about him, and last night this friggin nightmare. He wasn't in the dream, just my father and I and my cat. And lots of fish, all around us, like it was the end of the world, almost an apocaliptic dream.
I should take some sleeping pills.
Can't wait to go to terapy.
Comments
I feel so down today, I keep dreamin' of him every night for the past couple of days and I can't imagine why? It's like my subconstience is trying to play tricks with me. And I do dream that we are separated and he comes to visit me and I'm excites and I'm trying to lure him into having sex with me, and to get him back. And that's not what I feel over the day. Over the day I'm trying not to think about him as much as possible and I'm trying to see his true colors.
WTF is going on with me?
Can't wait to talk to my terapist about it.
WTF is going on with me?
Can't wait to talk to my terapist about it.
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Have you ever heard of SLAA?
This helped me trememndously to get over the break up for me. Meeting others that were goign through the same. Forget the sex part. Its the love addiction that I really connected with. Good luck to you
http://www.slaafws.org/
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I had an post-op at the dr. today. It went well, he wants me to go back in a month to see how the bone graft is getting. Considering my lupus, he is a little bit more carefull, and he wants to follow up more often. I'm done with the Vicodin, :(((, butI think is better. i have to start feeling good on my own, no more chemicals, no more drugs! just myself and the love for myself.
I was reading a lot of post ings and I found something shocking, I think I'm codependent, It's the first time when I look at this as to a condition, not necesarily as something bad;i always thought of be being dependent of my husband, but this is different. I recignize all the sympthoms I had over the years, even from my childhood. I can't wait to talk to my terapist about it. It's so complex, and all of the sudden, everything has a meaning to me. Why I was behaving like this over the 15 years of marriage, my frustrations, my fears, my inability to talk about what I feel, all it makes sense now, a little. I now know why, I dunnot know WHY I am like that.
I might have a lot more to dig in terapy, I knew it will be a longer process;my childhood, the loss of my mom and my grandparents at such an early age, all must have contributed somehow to where I am right now. How I am right now.
Anyway, I somehow know, the healing process just started. I now know the reason of all my feelings and the incapacity of moving on, the incapacity of beeing on my own. It feels great, I feel releaved somehow, I feel like I have the answer to be biggest question sin my life. And know it's only up to me to be able to solve the problems. Slowly but surely.
I went to the hairdresser, cut my hair, did highlights, had a facial. Felt so good.
I'm getting back to myself.
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Glad to see that you are doing better and you do see a new path to travel. It will get better as things unwind here and you see answers to your past life and what it was all about. Just be patient and understand and most of all be aware of whom you can be.
Take care. Jim
Past Entries
| May 2008 |
Thursday, 5/01
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Thursday, 5/01
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Thursday, 5/01
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April 2008 |
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Wednesday, 4/30
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Monday, 4/28
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Sunday, 4/27
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Goal Updated
strange dreams usually have meanings behind them. My girlfriend cyn bought a book on what dreams mean, let me see if I could find any meaning to your dream..BRB!
taino69
OK..I'M BACK..
FISH- If you see them in clear waters, you will be favored by the rich and famous. Dead fish indicate losses through unexpected calamities. To catch fish portends you will enjoy wealth earned through your own merits.
taino69
I found more...
FATHER- You will meet with difficulties that will require wise counsel from an experienced person. If your father is dead, the dream is a warning against possible business losses. Exercise caution in all your deals.
CAT- This dream is an Omen of bad luck unless you drive it away. If the cat attacks you, you have enemies who will seek your destruction.
Sorry..this is what the book said...!
taino69