stylishez's Journal

One minute I feel ok the immediate next I feel low and sucidial. I dont know what to do about it. Ive been like this for as long as I can remember and I now realise that it has had a detrimental affect on my life. I havent been diagnosed with depression but from being on this site and talking to other people who seem to feel the same I really dont know what to do. I just feel like everything in my life has been a failure and Ive either let myself or someone else down. Ive always felt like noone has ever taken me seriously and if find that so frustrating. Everyone just either plays down my problems or makes it their problem. I have been through alot lately but this is something that has been part of my life for a long, long time. I feel ignored and left to fend for myself. Im really trying to turn my life around but its strange as soon as I feel like Im getting somewhere, without a doubt fear will come back to haunt me and I just think whats the point because its going to become a disaster anyway..  I feel locked up in this world where I keep on going round and round and not moving or progressing anywhere. Im so good at putting a good face on cos noone even seems to see or care. When im alone I just want to scream and I just cry. But like my last journal entry explains I just dont cry anymore! Its funny!

I know bits of it is because my hormones are out of sink because of PCOS but Ive always felt this way about myself. I just dont know what to do. The thoughts kept on coming back and I just want to lock them away...